A Father's Heart

Hello again

2009-12-02T23:51:00.000-08:00

Hello to anyone who is out there. So good to be back writing on this blog. A place where I can come and share thoughts and insights into the world of this faulty father. Every day I realize that I make mistakes in parenting my beautiful little gifts from God. But also everyday I realize that God teaches me something new and I improve a little too. I think the good is outweighing the bad... I still yell too much.

My oldest, Aly asked me why I yelled so much. Boy if that isn't an eye and ear opener. A part of my heart that I can't live without is being hurt by my actions. I would never in a million years do anything to harm her and here I am hurting her everyday by yelling. Well, I am an adult and I am a child of God and I know He can help me to change this because He is all powerful and I am willing. SO, if you are out there and you stop by, please make sure to offer a prayer to God on my behalf. I need strength to change this part of my personality that effects and affects my children and I am sure my wife.

There is not an excuse to give. The only reason I can come up with is that I have always been a yeller. Loud family. Doesn't make it right just a reason. Anyway, thanks for listening or should I say reading.

Goodnight.

She is His FOREVER!!.

2009-02-02T21:08:00.001-08:00

So much to do and the same amount of time as everybody else in which to do it. I can't complain. I have plenty of time. My life isn't that hard right now. Frustrating yes, hard no. God is as He always is G-O-O-D and whether we understand Him or not currently, He is in control and that is alright with me. (I am sure he just took a big breath of relief).

My wife commented to me last night that it had been a looooooong time since I blogged. Well, yeah it has been. I don't know who my audience is now. I know that if my mother were still alive and even my mother-in-law for that matter I would have two faithful followers. JUST so they could give me their feedback so as to improve my writing or something I said or did. I wish I had them around so they could comment. I miss them both so terribly sometime.

One of those times was recently when I got the honor and huge responsibility of leading my oldest daughter, Aly to the Lord. She is only 5 years old and although we had talked many times about the "free gift" and what it meant to be saved and asking Jesus to come into your heart I was cautious to make sure she understood.

I have known so many people in my life who had to be baptized two and sometimes three times until it "took" because they were "too young" to fully understand what they had done when they were so little. Or they just did it because everyone else their age was doing it. I wanted to make sure that MY daughter got it right and that she didn't just waste God's time with another, "fake" conversion.

But the wonderful thing is that I know it wasn't just one of those things. She sought me out. There was no other reason other than it had been on her mind, that and I did say that Heaven was going to be better than Disney World and we had been talking a lot about Disney World lately. Seriously, she understands what sin is, and that it separates us from God and that we need forgiveness for those sins and the only one who can forgive us is Jesus. She got that. All in that little 25 year old five year old mind of hers. She wanted to be forgiven. She visibly was remorseful for her having sinned... and when she asked God to forgive her and Jesus to come into her heart, it was a real, eternity making event. Simple, yet profound. Right there, in our bedroom, sitting in my recliner with my little girl on her knees praying with her head in my belly she met the Savior of the world and her life has not been and will never be the same again.

It was real. It was enormous and yet very small. It was child like faith that the Creator of our hearts demands if we are to come to Him. She may very well not remember the day or the hour or even how it all took place. But her heart will, and her name is in the book of Life and she is FOREVER in His MIGHTY GRIP.

She still fights with her sister, although not as much, pushes the limits, although truly not as often and she has changed. She wasn't a bad little girl before. The worse thing she had ever done that we know of was to take some of Poppy's change without permission ( we taught her about stealing) and she just wanted to put it in her piggy bank for the missionaries (God love her).

I am going to get the opportunity to baptize her. That is if my knees don't go wobbly on me and I tear up and lose it. My heart is so full. We are so blessed. Her Mommy and I never imagined.

I think my heart grew a size.

Like I said God is always G-O-O-D.

My "Spice Girl" turns THREE

2008-12-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

Our Liliana Grace MinQin Swindler the day after we "got" her.

Wow, just a little under two years ago we were preparing to travel to China for the second time to bring home our little girl, Liliana. The story of how we had come to this point is a miracle within itself and one I told so many I was going to write about soon, and soon became well, a long time ago. Maybe someday...soon. Anyway, it is hard to believe that we have had her to hold and comfort and tickle and feed and change and cry with and everything else you can imagine for almost two whole years.

Lili is such an interesting little person. She has such a wonderful personality full of drama and emotion full of drama. She can't just say something, it has to be dramatic and full of emotion. She loves this way too. When she hugs, she really hugs. When she kisses, she has to land right on target or she will hold your cheeks to make sure she does. What ever she does, it is full of intention and not necessarily thought out to the end but nonetheless, done with full emotion and you guessed it. DRAMA

Our little beauty a few days after we adopted her.

Her relationship to us began that way, she would cry forever. We of course thought it was because of well, the adoption, separation from familiar surroundings etc. We looked for whatever way we could to understand and appease and comfort and finally just had to admit that we didn't know why but we would just have to let her cry. It used to kill me. It made me so mad that I could not find a way to "fix" it.

Look at that face. A wonderful personality to go with it too.

It has helped me to understand a bit more the serenity prayer of accepting the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and most importantly, the wisdom to know the difference. Knowing that "fixing" everything is not my "to do" list is a freeing feeling. My little girls have helped me a lot in that area of life. They are such a blessing.

Just as every child changes the lives of those around them, Lili has changed ours. Sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in major ways but always in the end in a blessed way. I am confident that this is what my Father had planned before He laid the foundation of the earth. His ability to work things out still amazes me even though I know He can, my impatience usually gets the best of me and I forget how much He loves me. He continues to try and help me learn each day as I grow to love my wife and my girls even more than I did the day before.

My little astronauts, showing off their Endeavor t-shirts.

When I travelled with the band and sang for a living, or should I say for an existence, we used to sing this song, "I love you more today than yesterday". We probably did it hundreds of times and it got to be old, so old but at the time I did not understand the deep meaning in the lyric. Now as I sing it to my girls sometimes it makes so much sense. It is a love song of course and some of the lyrics say "I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow".

Such loving devoted sisters. (but they can be mean to each other too)

As each day comes and goes, I can't imagine that to be true, but I find it is. Somehow my heart must be made of similar material as the Grinch's whose heart was able to grow. Mine grows each day albeit just a small amount, to hold the love I find growing for my family, day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment.

And then somebody pisses me off ...

and well... ;-)

Just teasing. Nobody reads this anyway.

When Lili is old enough to understand my sarcasm she will laugh. A lot.

Love,

I'm back.....oh my aching BACK!!

2008-10-24T23:26:00.001-07:00

Greetings friends and family and whoever you are who stops in to read what this crazy old fat man has to say about life and love and whatever is on my heart today! Now look at how I rhymed that so well. If it were a song it would sound swell. Oh no. I am stuck in this rhyming theme. Maybe it will go away and I can just believe it was a dream.
OK, I am sure you are rolling your eyes by now and wondering what kind of extra curricular drugs I am taking these days. I assure you I have been on some drugs and they have had me a little loopy but praise God I am off of them now and all I take is a little Advil these days so my joints won't hurt so much and that is usually at bedtime.
Anyway, I was taking the muscle relaxers because I pulled a muscle in my back and I mean I PULLED a muscle. Shelley said you could see it ball up and just do a wavy kind of thing. All I know is I am a grown man and I was crying it hurt so much. I had to get my little girls to leave the room because I didn't want them to see me in that much pain. Oh my gosh it was sooooo painful and I could not get it to stop seizing up on me. If I breathed in it seized up. If I breathed out it seized up, if I looked left, or lifted my little pinkie on my right hand....yep you got it, it seized up. I don't know what I would have done if it had not been for my loving wife who rubbed tiger balm on me and icy hot and just loved me through it. She has been having her own bout of pain with some nerve problems from her neck affecting her knees. Go figure. It is all due to that little fender bender back last September when it tore something in her neck and she is still suffering as a result. Please remember her in your prayers and say a "thank you" to Him for healing my poor back. Boy I tell you, I am careful, careful, careful now.
Let's see, why did I decide to blog today. Well, I think it was because I am putting off an assignment that I don't want to do right yet but I will get to it soon enough. For anyone who cares and does not know I am attending Liberty University through their Distance Learning Program to finish my Bachelors Degree. It really has been interesting and fun and my family and I are very excited about it. I am doing very well, praise God and am staying ahead of the game this time.
The whole system has changed since I attempted to finish my degree through their system about three years ago. Back then you bought a lot of tapes and DVDs and watched at your own pace and took tests whenever. Well, for me while working at the Children's Home did not work so well because I procrastinated terribly. Needless to say I had to withdraw because I let the work build up on me too much.
This go round they have changed. Everything is on line. I take my exams on line. I submit papers on line and listen to audio lectures online and can search the web while listening to see visuals that the professor is talking about in the class with his overheads! It is really amazing. I am also so excited that I really WANT to learn this stuff. Not like when I was in college my first 8 years (ha ha). I am interested in the information and I get to bore Shelley with it. Actually she says she enjoys learning stuff from me as I am a verbal or auditory learner and retain more information if I repeat it aloud. We are also amazed at how God has lead me to this and is combining all of the classes to teach me things that work together.
For example, I am ending up my class on Humanities which has taught me a great deal about the history of the western world through the lens of art and architecture. It has taught me a lot about the time when Christ came to earth. The fullness of time. How perfect it was for Him to be born when He was. This info goes in line with what I am studying in my Theology class etc.
SO, I am quite sure you are bored with this but for me it is a wonderful exciting window to a new career possibility for me and a more secure future for my family. I sure know my father in law appreciates it.

I am putting these pictures of my heart in here so you can see how well they are adjusting to sharing a bed, and a room. We were going to set up Lili in her toddler bed but then we realized that Aly hated to sleep alone she was soooo used to sleeping with us, which although I loved the closeness I was loving sleep a little more. So we moved Lili into Aly's room and they LOVE it. Such devoted sisters who love each other to pieces.

Here they are getting ready to go to sleep. They play a little and pray for each other and after Mom reads to them they slowly drift away.
And look at how they show their love for each other even in their sleep. God love em!! I sure do!!

Well, I am tired and sleepy and just wanted to say hello to everyone. Please leave me a comment or two to let me know you are still reading. I will try to post more often with more interesting info. More about my little heart beats. They are so wonderful. And the one who keeps me going, actually keeps us all going around here, my beautiful pacemaker-Shelley. I love you my dear!
Till next time.

What is Talent?

2008-09-09T14:21:00.001-07:00

Greetings to all two of you who read my blog. I am thrilled once again to share with you what is on my heart today. As I listen to the remarkable talent of the artist Yo Yo Ma as he caresses the stings of his cello I am overwhelmed with appreciation to our God for the remarkable gifts He bestows. Having been a musician or a "music maker" for much of my life I cannot imagine life without that beautiful touch. I was once asked if I had to choose, would I rather be deaf or blind. Of course I choose blind, although that would be a terrible loss within and of itself, I would not want to imagine a world without sound. I can re create in my minds eye pictures and imaginings of what I might see, however I don't believe I could conceive the beauty that is found in sound, especially music.

Oh the talent in that man's hands and heart!

What is talent? How do you determine what a talent is? I know that when I witness someone accomplishing something that I cannot, more often than not I attribute that as a talent that person has. Regardless of whether or not it is considered by the public in general as a talent.

For example, our friend Mariya. We met Mariya when the Lord directed her to us some months ago. When we moved to St. Augustine we had to combine two households. AND we were moving into one that had not been properly up kept for a few years due to Shelley's parents decline in health. The floors were an absolute mess and the bathrooms were even worse. Shelley and I talked about it and prayed about it and although we really could not afford it we decided to try to find some college student or independent worker (not with a cleaning service) to come and help us get the house in some semblance of clean. God lead us right to Mariya.

She is originally from Ukraine and has been here in America for a little over three years. Although her English is not what she would like it to be, she really is amazing to have learned it totally by just living here and trusting God. Which she does... with a talent.

What I was going to say when I began to write about Mariya was that she has a definite talent to clean. And clean well she really does. And I know clean, having once owned and worked in a house cleaning business. But truly her talent lies in trusting God. Every day that she comes to our home (once a week for a few hours)she greets us with such a smile and loving concern for us. She never fails to somehow tell us how "My God" has taught her something or given her strength for some struggle or lead her day in such a special way.

She has a talent for living her faith. A talent for lifting up our Heavenly Father through her attitude and efforts. Sure she is "working" but sometimes you would never know it. She loves to chat in her fourth language (she knows Polish, Russian, Ukrainian, and English)because she considers it a challenge as she continues to learn. She does so well but she thinks she has so far to go. Perhaps but her talent for desiring to be better is certainly contagious.

My girls also have a talent. Actually I am sure there are several talents they possess. Many from Shelley I see every day but my little girls have talents that are as yet untapped and I am anxious to see them blossom. Their most amazing talent that I recognize these days is their talent to make my day so much brighter. So much more worthwhile.

I love them so.

Can you tell?!

I am among men most wonderfully blessed.

Love,

Hey Fay!!

2008-08-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

I am a virgin. I will admit it. Here and now I admit that even having been married to Shelley for 13 plus years I am still a virgin... a Tropical Storm/Hurricane virgin. And I was hoping to stay one my entire life but apparently I will be losing my cherry so to speak in the next several hours. So will my little beauties and our little faithful dog Bailey.
We have "battened down the hatches" and secured as much as we can secure and are sitting here praying and waiting. We are praying that the power doesn't go out and if it does it doesn't stay out for too terribly long. It will be miserable here with no air. We have no screens on the windows and I would rather be hot than donate a lot of blood to the mosquitoes. Not to mention Aly and Lili would go into a coma with a lot of bites SO if the power does leave us we will just grin and sweat and bear it.
Sorry any of you out there who don't get the thrill of waiting to go through a Tropical Storm or Hurricane. I am hoping to win the blog cabin on DIY network so we can move back to TN and won't have to deal with any of this mess. Just good ole snow.
Anyway, that's what is cooking at our house.
Have a good day and for you enjoyment here is an email my sister sent to me that I laughed so hard I cried. I KNOW you will enjoy it too.
Love ya

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever,had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Come on, you are crying right now aren't you!!

Missed Familiarity

2008-07-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am in a melancholy mood tonight. A little drab. Here is what dictionary.com says about these two.

Melancholy: adjective- soberly thoughtful; pensive

Drab: noun- dull; cheerless; lacking in spirit, brightness, etc.

I was trying to figure that out too. Why? I really don't have the necessary descriptions associated with someone even to warrant the above definitions or a lot to make me sad or contemplative or a bunch of the other adjectives at dictionary.com. I think it has to do with missed familiarity. Now you are asking yourselves. What does that mean exactly? Good question.

Every night before bed we have a routine. One of the few routines that have stuck with us through that past year because of all the upheaval in our lives. We try to make bedtime for the girls somewhat routine. If not always at the same time at least the consistency of the pattern of preparing and going to bed has become routine or "familiar" if you will.

The routine goes like this usually without fail no matter where we are or whatever time we are going to bed, unless one of the noodles has fallen asleep ahead of time and it would wreck their world to be awakened, not to mention just plain cruel, we do the following.

Lili is first, we ask her if she has said goodnight to "Poppy" and if she has she climbs up on me to say her good nights to me. If she hasn't she goes to tell Poppy goodnight and tries to score some sort of treat so she will get cavities and oh, never mind. That USED to be what happened until we put a stop to that. Grandfathers have a tough time saying no sometime but I will hand it to Poppy, once we told him make sure she doesn't coax a cracker or piece of chocolate out of him, he sticks with NO. And many nights we understand that as Lili comes back into the room crying her little eyes out saying "Poppy said No!".

She climbs up onto me and we chat a little bit about the day. Sometimes I sing my our "Somebodies Sleepy" song to her. I wrote it for Aly and finished it for Lili. They both act like they don't like it, but I usually see a little curl of a smile break out. Lili especially likes to climb into my arms and say "baby". She loves for us to hold her like a little baby and rock and sing to her. It also takes up time and that is what she wants to do when it's bedtime anyway. But she does it other times in the day too so she really does like it and not just for wasting time.

I look at her and say OK let's kiss, and we give each other butterfly kisses, and then Eskimo kisses and then a lip kiss, and then I pray for her. I pray that she falls asleep quickly and that she doesn't have any bad dreams only beautiful, fun dreams. I pray that she sleeps all through the night and gets lots of rest for the next days business. And I pray that God would put his angels around us all to protect us from evil. Then we tell each other we love each other a billion gazillion times and she wanders to the bedroom where Mom goes through a routine with her in her special way.

While that is going on, IF she hasn't batted those gorgeous brown eyes at me and pulled her grip on me tighter around her finger, I will get Aly to go brush her teeth and if she is not already dressed for bed to get dressed. IF she has me in her cross hairs she may just sit by me and play on my laptop for about 30 minutes while Shelley is in with Lili. Aly loves to play on the computer. And I admit I truly enjoy the just "Aly and me" time that it provides. Of course I have to try to reduce my mentality to a 4 year old and try to enjoy putting 4 scoops of ice cream on bunny's cone or counting the number of bubbles of a certain color. But I get to watch my daughter laugh and learn and smile and just "be" beside me as I hold her. Moments that I know will all too soon disappear and I will long for them.

Usually after all of the playing on the computer and rounds of questions are asked of any particular subject, I make sure she has said goodnight to Poppy and then we go through our ritual of kissing and loving before she goes with Mom off to enjoy some special time with her before she goes to sleep.

For the past two nights I have missed the special kiss and love times and she has just gone onto bed. She of course has told her Mom that she said goodnight to me but I don't think it's because she doesn't want to kiss and love on me before she goes to bed. Who in their right mind could resist that?!!! ;-) I know it is because she has had two very, very early and busy and exhausting days these past two days. She is so tired by the nights end that she can hardly keep her eyes open and she is a complete grump bucket extraordinaire. I could hear her grumping as her Mom made her go to the potty before coming to bed. And I remembered we hadn't said our good nights but I understood how tired she was and I want her to go to sleep and get rest.

Regardless, I still missed out on the special moment of my little girl climbing up on me in my recliner and stretching out looking me in my eyes and telling me she loved me and kissing me with her eyelashes and her nose and her lips. I love just holding her and smelling her hair and knowing that I am her Daddy man and she is my little princess.

Then it hit me.That is how God must feel when I don't give him the attention he deserves. OK so I am reducing the creator of the universe to the emotions of a carnal minded man but nonetheless I still believe that He WANTS me to give Him that attention. That "from the heart" consideration that should be His always. I realize that God is sovereign and does not need anything but He still can want can't he? Isn't it apparent that He wants us to obey Him? To love him? After all His word says that it is not his desire that any should perish but that all should come to the saving knowledge of Jesus. Isn't that right? SO God can want. And I believe that he wants us to give him "special" attention that only we can give. After all isn't that why we were created? To give him praise and worship from a personal relationship? PERSONAL.?!

That is why I have felt melancholy or drab. I missed my special time with my little girl. Just imagine that if I missed this with my one little child, just think how God must feel when His children (born again believers) fail to give Him any attention at all.

Oh yeah, I know we pray to bless our food, and we pray and ask God for help when we need it and we praise Him when we hear of something good happening to our friends or family but what about the PERSONAL attention. I am surely guilty of it. I used to sing to God all the time. I would make up praise songs and even when they didn't rhyme or have that great a melody they were still from my heart. A true praise that I know He was please with.

If it's possible I would like to imagine being able to make God feel like I do when my girls are wanting to please me. You know by drawing a picture or doing something you have shown them to do. I wish I had a dollar for ever time my girls had said "Daddy, watch me!" I would be dictating this to my secretary who lived with us in our mansion.

Sometimes I want to pull my hair out, what's left of it, but I realize that those words will eventually fade too. Kind of like my initial excitement and love and desire for my Heavenly Father to watch me has faded too.

I pray that it comes back.

I believe it will and is.

I just know that my girls and my wife continue to teach me everyday how wonderful our God is. I am going to take some serious time to plan some butterfly kisses for my Abba.

How about you?

God's Perfect Timing

2008-07-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

My heart is so full. I am re living the moment yesterday when my oldest, Aly asked Shelley and me about how to get her free gift. I believe she said something like " I think I am ready to get my free gift from God". I don't have to tell you how our hearts nearly exploded. We had a little discussion and I will try to sum it up for you so you might gain insight or have and opinion or give some leadership etc.

I have to admit my first thoughts were- No wait, if you do then the Lord might take you home. I know that sounds crazy but I was reminded of the tragedy of Steven Curtis Chapmans family. I know their little girl is in heaven but it is such a hard loss for them. Anyway, then all I could think of is that the rapture must be getting ready to happen or I was getting ready to die. Yeah, I know I really need therapy but I am just telling you what went through my mind in about a millisecond when I realized my child was wanting info on the single most important decision of her life.

We of course wanted to encourage her but we also wanted to make sure she understood what it was that she was wanting to do. At 4 1/2 years of age she is such a smart little person so understanding and inquisitive. I know she was comprehending a lot but I think she was just not ready quite yet. Which of course made me believe that I had talked her out of it but I knew that really wasn't the case. I think the Holy Spirit wants to iron out a few wrinkles first.

For example, Aly came running in the living room with her hands up close to her chest and ran right past us and on her way to her room which is highly unlike her unless she is going to the bathroom and you know she HAS to announce her potty visits as if someone may abduct her off of the throne if she doesn't tell us. Shelley noticed it at first and asked her where she was going and what she had in her hand. Well, she sheepishly stopped and looked that deer in the headlight look and just stood there as if she would disappear or we would forget what we had just asked if she was only still and very quiet.

Shelley asked her again and this time it had my interest peeked. Well, Aly just kind of stood there continuing to focus on her inner psychic abilities to make us forget what was going on. After some increased volume on our part and serious looks and forward sitting in our chair she opened her hands and showed us some coins, mostly pennies that she had picked up off of "Poppy's" room floor. Shelley asked her whether or not Poppy had given them to her and she shyly shook her head no. Praise God for honesty, we have seriously worked on that. Now it seems we were working on stealing. We had to make it plain to her that taking anything that doesn't belong to you without permission is in fact stealing. So she knew she was in for a spanking as we had just had this discussion two nights before when she had taken one of those little BP trucks that they sell around Christmas, well, she had taken it from Poppy's room to play with it in the kitchen and WITHOUT Poppy's permission.

When we moved here, Shelley's dad, Poppy as the girls call him, gave us the whole house except for one little room that he basically lives in. He said he didn't want anything else but that room and he wanted us to make sure that he could maintain his privacy. He made it plain that he loved us and the girls and wanted them to come to visit him often but not when the door was closed or when he wasn't home.

For the most part the girls honor this. Sometimes however, they get those 2 and 4 year old mind sets and forget about the rules and just play without thinking or care for the consequences of actions gone awry. We believe that this was one of those times. After all , Aly knows that Poppy would die for her and would give her the world if she asked for it and he could get it. Surely she understood that he would be glad to give her some spare change that had fallen on the floor.

We are confident that this was not a serious character issue that we should worry about. But it COULD become one if not handled properly. SO she knew that a spanking was in line with what we had determined just the other day... and she was not happy about that. But I felt the mercy of the Lord working through my little "pats" with a back scratcher to her behind with one good one at the end.

She was still very upset and I kind of noticed it was a different upset than one of a sore butt. She was genuinely sorry for what she had done. I could see the remorse in her face and her sadness at having disappointed me and Shelley and Poppy by doing something wrong like stealing.
SO I recognize this as the Holy Spirits refining time for Aly. She is very much aware that she has sinned. She knows what sinning is and she knows what forgiveness is. She also knows about Jesus and that "he died on the cross so that we don't have to die. " AND " three days later God grew him back to life". My personal favorite description of resurrection.

What an awesome God we serve who has planned out our salvation!!! He knew before he created the world the personality of this little child. That she would choose Him and they would know each other in a wonderful relationship for eternity. I look forward to praying the sinners prayer with my daughter, that is if I don't blubber like a baby myself. Right now I am about to lose it because I know that when that happens my little girl will miraculously become my sister also. What a wonderful mystery. I just am so thankful that she is asking and the Holy Spirit is working. YES even at 4 1/2 years old God can reach us and communicate the Good News of Jesus. Praise His Name!!!

Please pray for Shelley and me and especially Aly at this time of decision. That the timing will be perfect and that we will do what God wants us to. What am I saying, of course it will and He will and we will...His perfect will. Just remember to praise Him. He really deserves our praise!!!!!

Praise ye the LORD.

Praise God in his sanctuary:

Praise him in the firmament of his power.

Psalms 150:1

Love always,

Happy Birthday to Me !!

2008-07-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

Hello dear friends. Thank you once again for sharing a few minutes of your busy day reading about my beautiful family and our experiences. What a really awesome thing the Internet is that allows us to share our lives electronically!

We celebrated my birthday (July 4Th) on Friday and I was blessed with what has become a tradition in our home. I am awakened by my beautiful daughters who are adorned in patriotic garb, topped off with red "do" rags. I get to kiss and love on them and add my "do" rag to the mix and we hug and love and take pictures and they give me cards and "sup-presents". It is a wonderful way to wake up, especially on your birthday.

I am also the beneficiary of a special "summer time" hat each father's day or birthday. This tradition was started even before we got our Aly and Lili. The girls at the children's home felt so sorry for me as I was burning my head each time we went to the beach or the pool so they would get a hat and decorate it for me, and then proceed to lose it for me at the beach or pool. You can't have anything. (I sound like my Ma.)

So you can see from the hat that it is not a fashion item but simply something to keep the sun out of your face and from burning your head. My Aly and Lili had a fun time decorating it and for me that is worth more that anything. Here they are trying to put it on my head.

We spent the rest of the day out by the pool, after eating our bar-b-que chicken and potato salad and other yummies. We saved my favorite birthday request cake, death by strawberries, for after our swim. Shelley outdid herself as usual.

I must admit that I never would have dreamed in my imaginings as I was growing up that I would be 47 years old and the father of a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. It is really an amazing and awesome God we serve who gives us such blessings when we are so undeserving.

I hope if you have not read Shelley's blog you will. Our Aly presented Shelley with a very heart rendering question while we were swimming Friday. Shelley handled it very well.
I do so wish I could take away the pain that will ultimately come to my two wonderful children. I am sad to say that there is no way for me to do this. We must trust in Jesus to meet their need and lead them according to His plan, not ours. I know He will do a wonderful thing in their lives. He has already shown His miracle power so many times. We are so blessed to be the parents of these two little marvels.

Of course I am their daddy man so I can brag and brag but truthfully if you got to spend any time around them yourself you would too be amazed at their abilities and insights at such young ages. I would love to take credit however, I will simply say that God knows what he is doing and he certainly chose the right match with our family!

Thanks for stopping by and love to you and yours!

Salsa

2008-06-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

Aly and I made salsa the other day. It was so fun using my birthday present early. My b-day is July 4th for those of you who don't know it. I am one of those men who if they see something they want they buy it themselves making it a lot harder for choosing a present for me. So, I went ahead and searched eBay for a food processor and won one for a great price and a new one at that. A Cuisinart and it works great. Of course the only reason I want it is to make salsa. Shelley may be the one who gets the most use out of it, but she wants one of those Vita mix thingies and they are super expensive. So unless we win the lottery or a rich relative dies and leaves us lots of dough ( and I don't mean the flour kind ) we will have to do with a blender and a my new Cuisinart.

Anyway, making our salsa was a fun job. Aly of course wanted to put everything in the processor and I was of course impatient and so we compromised on me cutting up the veggies and her putting them in. She wanted to operate the processor but I talked her out of it by mentioning that this was MY birthday present and it was only right that I should get to operate it by myself at least this first time. She agreed.

Salsa is one of those fun things you can use as an analogy for so many situations in life. I am choosing to relate it to our lives at any given moment. ANY ones life at any given moment. Take for instance our President George W. Bush. Isn't his life a constant example of salsa? No pun intended on the ethnic origin of the dish either. He is surrounded by all sorts of vegetables and spices and vinegar and herbs that are all trying to have their say in the mix of his decision making. And they all have their right to input however, some of them are more important than others. Like VP Dick Cheney would probably be the green peppers, and Secretary of State, Condolesa Rice would be an onion. Of course G.W. is the tomatoes. All the other herbs and spices, etc would be the other advisers that go into the mix. Hopefully a well balanced mix that turns into a very delicious concoction that pleases the senses especially the taste.

I know my life has certainly been a big bowl of salsa for a while now. I have had lots of different input by lots of spices and herbs in my world. I would have to say that my girls and Shelley would be my green peppers and onions. I of course am the tomatoes. In my salsa making experiences I have tried lots of different things to distinguish it from others I have tried. I have been successful and there have been times I have not. I think the one item I have discovered which doesn't necessarily distinguish it from others but is a mandatory item for me to consider it complete is cilantro. Not dried cilantro but fresh cilantro. And not too much, just the right amount that gives that extra special, yummyness to it. That and a secret ingredient that you might get Aly to tell you if you are ever around us when we are making it.
She reminds me of the dog on that baked bean commercial. You know, Duke who wants to tell everyone the secret family recipe. Aly would "spill the beans" so to speak. It is a common item but perhaps you never would have thought to add this to your recipe. If you have one.
Anyway, we made salsa. And the Cilantro? Well, it is my analogy for God. You see the salsa is not right unless it has His input, Hhis "spice" to our lives. And just the right amount. Not over done and not too little. ( we can argue later about whether or not you can get too much of God ).

I just know that without Him, my salsa is not complete.

How about you.

Made any salsa lately?

love,

Welcome Changes

2008-06-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

My little 2 1/2 year old took a nap today while laying on my chest. As I think back on the time I remember wanting to be able to recall all of the emotion wrapped up in that special time so I could post it here for others to read but so that I could read it again and again. It was a wonderful experience that I had known before however this time was different.

I was different.

Lili had come to sleep with us last night which is a highly unusual event. We have tried it before mind you and it usually ends up with me cussing and Shelley saying "I told you so". I was the one who wanted to each time because of my guilty feelings of having Aly spend so much time with us. She has slept with us quite a bit of her young life and I feel that there is a special bond with us because of that. Of course there is a special bond with us because she is our first and a lot of other "firsts" that we have shared with her. And I was trying to satisfy that guilty feeling that perhaps we have not given enough of ourselves to Lili. Although there are other ways in which we have bonded with Lili that are different from our bonding with Aly. I guess it's a normal emotion.

Regardless, I remember Shelley bringing her into our room last night and putting her in the bed with us and she had had a "bad dream", so she was all too happy to be in our bed. Usually she likes to play and chatter box and gets herself awake until she just will not be quiet and calm down and go to sleep. Generally speaking she does not like sleeping with us and prefers her crib so that she can cover her head up and arrange her "posse" of stuffed animals and dolls for her morning parties. However, last night she climbed in the bed and smiled and covered up and settled down and we said our "good nights" again and she was off to visit the "sand man", thank God.

She awoke at the crack of dawn to the sounds of Shelley "cracking" the dawn. I swear there is an amazing God we serve that matches persons like Shelley and me who are opposites when it comes to their "fruitful" time of day. Shelley is a morning person, always has been, always will be. She will last as long as she can at night but then she is gone. Me I am a night person, always have been, always will be, unless aliens come and inhabit my body and change me. That or God does a number. He did when I worked at the Children's Home. But, I reverted to my old ways. Genetic I guess.

Anyway, Lili awoke before the Rooster (which is appropriate seeing as she was born in the year of the rooster) and decided to have a conversation with me. Which was NOT happening. SO I gently, yeah right, suggested that she go into the OTHER room to her Mommy and see if she could help her start the morning out right instead of missing a limb... just teasing.

So since she had gotten such an early start she was wiped out about middle of the day and I could easily tell she was ready for a nap, although she disagreed with me wholeheartedly. I knew right away this was going to take some convincing so I made her climb up into my lap and then began the process to calm her down with suggestions about how tired her hands were because they had worked so hard finding all those little pieces of Doritos in the bottom of that bag. And I do mean worked hard. She had been munching out on the last of a bag of chips and having a field day doing it. The tips of her fingers had turned orange as well as anything in which they came into contact. SO I grabbed a wet wipe (praise God for this invention) and began to wipe away the residue and orange "lipstick" that had deposited itself onto her skin.

We talked some more about how her feet were tired from running around the house all morning and how even her eyelids were so heavy and tired that she just had to close them so she could rest them for just a minute or two. To which she slowly succumbed and rested her head in the middle of my chest and listened to my heart beat and fell asleep... and snored. What a hilarious little snoring sound she can make when she falls asleep a certain way. She does it in her car seat sometime. Shelley and I love it.

I don't have to tell you how wonderful it was to hold my little girl and caress her head and hold her little bottom and just feel her warmth and know how much a miracle her presence there truly is. I just had to lift up a prayer of thanksgiving to God for bringing her into our life. What a magnificent miracle she has been to us. We have saved each other.

Needless to say, I of course joined her shortly thereafter in search of that sand man. I found him too, and he was all too happy to see me again. We have a special relationship he and I.

I mentioned in the beginning of this post at how I was different. There is no way you live through the experiences of the past year or two, survive them intact and not be a different person. I think I am different just recently from the release of stresses that were consuming me. I have goals more clearly defined and that for anyone but especially a man who is head of a home, is a wonderful thing. I look at my family a little differently than I did before. I still yell and have my grumpy moments but I believe they would all tell you that I am changing.

I would like to look at it as a "seasoning".

I hope we all like the flavor.

I believe we will.

God is a magnificent chef!

Love,

The Fern and the Bamboo

2008-06-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

I appreciate all the kind words of encouragement I have received as a result of my last post. Thank you. I will try to share as I can and I certainly hope you will continue to stop by and read.

I pray perhaps something I empart will make your journey a little brighter and maybe you will laugh or cry, but I hope you will always remember to flush and wash your hands.

The Fern and the Bamboo

author unknown

One day I decided to quit....I quit my job, my relationship, my Spirituality...

I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

'God', I said. 'Can You give me one good reason not to quit?'

His answer surprised me...

'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?

''Yes', I replied.

'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo'. He said.

'In the third year, there was still nothing fromthe bamboo seed. But I would not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.' He said.

'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of My creations a challenge it could not handle.' He said to me.

'Did you know, My child, that all this timeyou have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others.' He said.

'The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful. Your time will come', God said to me. ' You will rise high!'

'How high should I rise?' I asked.

'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return.

'As high as it can?' I questioned.

'Yes.' He said, 'Give Me glory by rising as high as you can.'

I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you... Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you Happiness.

Bad days give you Experiences.

Both are essential to life.

Keep going...

Happiness keeps you Sweet,

Trials keep you Strong,

Sorrows keep you Human,

Failures keep you Humble,

Success keeps You Glowing,

But Only God keeps You Going!

Does anyone read this?

2008-05-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

Hello to anyone reading this. Please post a response. I am deciding whether or not I should continue. It's kind of like cooking for one. Why go to all the trouble to make a five course meal when a tv dinner will suit.
If I do receive some comments that make me feel guilty or encourage me then I will stay the course and perhaps blog more often.
Anyway. After that last post, spooky pictures, I don't expect a lot of response.
Thanks for your time anyway
D

Proud Papa

2008-05-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

Shelley and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary today. Yes we were married at Ancient City Baptist Church at 2:00 pm on May 6, 1995. It has been the adventure of a lifetime and I wouldn't change a thing. Through all our ups and downs and everything in between she is the love of my life and the mother of my two beautiful, amazing little girls and I love her more each passing hectic, frustrating day. I know she loves me too because she hasn't killed me yet.

We spent the day with our girls, just living life and being around them was a blessing.

I want to share a blessing with you.

For your viewing enjoyment here are several pictures of my heart. What a blessed man I am and I need to remind myself of this sometimes. There is no comparison to the love of a good woman and beautiful (inside and out) children.

We'll start off with my little bundle of joy, lady bug Lili. She loves her hats and she loves to laugh. Notice the red toenails to match her lady bug hat. She was SOOOO proud of these.

Here is our most recent performer for her children's choir performance at church. The "Obedient Bee" These children were SO good and of course every parent was bursting at the seems with pride. We were too and our little bee of course buzzed the brightest for us.

Of course these two are already best of friends and are going to be such all through their lives God willing. They do so love each other and enjoy playing together.

Just a cool picture I dabbled with a bit. I know I am partial but I think she is just beautiful.

And here is that famous lady bug hat again. It was originally bought for Aly and she has had a lot of fun with it. Now Lili loves it. But Aly won't be out done. She loves her sister but she has to have camera time too.

Here are my two little fashion mavens. They LOVE to play dress up and Aly loves to dress Lili and herself. Her tastes are truly eclectic and we LOVE it.

I just love this picture of Lili and her Mom.

She is practicing puffing her cheeks out for trumpet playing.

And here is Lili practicing her lip position for trumpet playing.

I'm telling you the girl is musical. I love this picture of Aly watching Lili.

And of course "madam smiles and drools a lot".

This little beat of my heart just looks good in anything.

Aly loves dress up and this is her last Fall Festival outfit of a little princess ballerina.

Her smile and laugh are so contagious and we thank God for that.

She is just growing up SOOOO fast. And gorgeous too!!

Sisters, -there were never such devoted sisters.

Here are the beginning shots of our acrobat.

Aly is climbing and jumping on everything these days.

She loves her Gymnastics class and it shows.

After all, its only a sofa and you can always get another one.

But shots of this little jumper are priceless.

Here our Aly is at her Gymnastics class. She is so attentive and good.

Of course I am going to say that.

Did I mention how smart and beautiful she is?

Olympics?

A Lili sandwich.

All my beauties together.

Lili loves to imitate Aly and her gymnastics stuff.

She especially loves to rock in her Mom's recliner.

Here she is having a fun time.

And she knows we don't approve of the super power rock that they LOVE to do in the chair,

so she loves to give me that coy little "please?!!!" look.

And of course it NEVER works.

Yeah right.

Who could deny such a lovable face as this?

See what I mean? But I love it. Am I blessed or what?!!!!

Thank you God for the blessing of my family.

The bare naked Truth

2008-04-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

OK everyone. Here it is. The bare naked truth revealed here for the first time on this blog... I think. Definitely not the first time revealed but something I must re state again for my own sake if for no one else. God knows who will read this so I leave it up to Him to decide the viewers.

The truth is Jesus.

The bottom line is Jesus.

The answer is Jesus.

Whatever you've got going on or going wrong or not going your and my answer is simply Jesus. That's it, plain, pure, and simple...

JESUS.

Oh my heart knows this to be true but it has taken a while to remind it. My mind knows it to be true also but getting into that quagmire of neurons firing explosively at any given millisecond has been a chore. But Jesus can and will do it. I have known it for so long and yet I have gotten so used to knowing it I just kind of took it for granted. How unbelievably arrogant and inconceivably bold to do so. SO I ask myself and you this question.

If you do know HIM and yet still struggle then WHY?

If you don't know HIM and struggle then why not give HIM a chance and see if I am right or wrong?

When I write these words I am drawn to the words of a dear friend of my wife and myself. She struggles with this as much as we have for the past several months if not years. She is a fellow believer in Jesus and yet can't seem to find the button to push to "bring back the Springtime" to her relationship to HIM. SO much has happened in her young life to her and around her that even though her faith in Jesus is strong she still finds herself questioning so many things that distract her from the bottom line... the truth... the answer.

I can relate to this wholeheartedly. The lives of my wife and myself, not to mention our little girls have been in the washer for a while now. And even as I write this I am brought to this analogy by my Savior. A washer can be a violent thing. After all it's purpose is to loosen the dirt and grim attached to your clothes and linens etc so that they can be used again and again. It has cycles that are specifically designed to do specific things. The one we seem to be stuck in as of late is the agitator cycle. Even though we have one of those front end loaders and it doesn't have the agitator thingy I am using this for the purpose of this analogy. The front end loader although it uses less water still tumbles and rumbles and squishes and rolls your clothes clean. Agitation of some sort. Have our lives been SO like that for about the past year and a half.

Lately it seems to be on the spin cycle. Whether it is a water leak in your mother's home that you have been trying to sell for almost a year that causes $10,000 worth of damage JUST after you get a contract on it, or an orange crayon that stains your little girls brand new (well, consignment brand new to us) clothes you just could afford to get for her because she has run out of all the "hand me downs". Or your hubby leaves you for 8 days to act alone as a single parent wondering if he will make it home... there is no mistaking that we rely in HIM. We just perhaps don't want to sit and realize how much.

We are taught again and again these days that we are to be self reliant. Independent. We are forced to distract ourselves every waking moment with something. I mean, I can't even go to the bathroom without having some distracting reading material or something and I am seriously considering putting a flat screen in front of the toilet. (Just kidding Shelley) Anyway, you know what I mean.

Our minds have been "booby trapped" by the "boob tube" and every other kind of external input we can think of. The Internet, the radio, the cell phone that we sleep with just in case some idiot wants to call the wrong number at 3 in the morning while trying to reach Hilary Clinton. Some distraction of some sort that will keep us from

the bottom line...

the truth...

the answer.

We have to stop sometime. We have to get to that place somewhere. The place that we know in our hearts that is screaming out to us, in one of the "out of the way" corners, behind the boxes of crap that we have piles up to block the door. The place in our heart that remembers what it was like to have Jesus enter in to our spirit and

save us,

forgive us,

and give us the peace that we long for.

The peace that passes all understanding.

I just talked to my wife a few minutes ago and she gave me the wonderful news about our friends father who recently asked Jesus to save him... forgive him... and you know the rest. He is 67 years old and lives in Ukraine. Our friend Mariya who has a wonderful faith that is most definitely on track has faithfully prayed and witnessed to her Father about "My God". The Jesus she knows and believes can do anything. The one I used to know so well and moved away from.

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't just pick up one day and move. No sirree bob tale. I just took a rest ... in our washing machine.

And by the way, the washing machine has a rinse cycle that takes all of that dirty crap that was once on your clothes and rinses it away. Hopefully the stains have come out. If not you sometimes have to wash your clothes again or sometimes you put them in for an extra long wash cycle. Perhaps that is what our lives have been in for a while now. The extra long wash cycle.

I believe that we have just been getting ready for something. I don't know yet but I can tell you this. I want more of Jesus in my life. Not religion. Not books about HIM or songs or poems. I want the Jesus that whispered in my nine year old ear " I forgive you, I love you". That Jesus.
The one I felt tingle me from head to toe when I went under the water and "felt" that washing away sensation (let's don't get bogged down in theology please- after all I was nine and it was how I felt and what a nine year old understands).

THE bottom line is JESUS.

THE answer is JESUS.

THE TRUTH is JESUS.

JESUS JESUS JESUS

We have to remember that and live it and watch out for the enemy who is trying his dead level best to steal it from us or at least distract us so that we forget it.

He is there and he misses his time with us. I am brought to this wonderful song that Larnell Harris sang so many years ago. Here are the lyrics. May this speak to your hear like it does to mine. May Jesus fill your heart and lives more and more EVERY day. Jesus. What a name. What a God.

There he was just waiting, in our old familiar place

an empty spot beside him, where once I used to wait

to be filled with strength and wisdom for the battles of the day

I would have passed him by again if I didn't hear him say

I miss my time with you

those moments together

I need to be with you each day

and it hurts me when you say

you're too busy

busy trying to serve me

but how can you serve me

when your spirit's empty

there's a longing in my heart

wanting more than just a part of you

it's true

I miss my time with you

What do I have to offer how can I truly care

my efforts have no meaning when your presence isn't there

but you will provide the power if I take time to pray

I'll stay right here beside you Lord

and you'll never have to say...

I miss my time with you

Christus Abundeest Amor

2008-03-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

There are four chambers to the human heart.
Just wanted you to see how mine are filled.
How is it possible that I am these
two beautiful little girls Daddy-man ?!

Yes that is chewing gum in Lili's mouth and

Aly is asking me "where did she get it and

why don't I have some?

OK for anyone who is a Latin scholar, did I correctly say that? Well I meant to say Christ is love. Plain and simple and yet for some reason I wanted to add some frivolity to it. A little panache if you will. I wonder why? Why do we feel the need to "dainty up" our spirituality as if it is not suitable as it is? Why do we put on our best efforts if the preacher is coming to dinner as if he is our pathway to God himself?

Well, anyway I just wanted to say that in Latin. Go figure. I think I really wish I knew another language. Just so I could converse with someone in a secretive way if I wished to or I could understand what the Mexican waiter is saying to his fellow server (and me for that matter). Maybe I just want people to think better of me for knowing more than one language. I wonder why? Why is it that we really give so much weight to what others think about us? I know their are societal demands so we take baths or showers so we won't stink. We brush our hair and wear clean clothes and try to make a good "public" appearance. We were also taught by our mother's to wear clean underwear in case we were in an accident. But who really gives a darn when you're in an accident anyway. And don't you have every reason in the world to have crapped your pants if you were in an accident? So who would have known you had clean underwear on anyway. Oh well.

My little girls are slowly learning that societal thing. They care about what they are wearing to Church. My oldest (Shelley) was doing the dress up dolly thing tonight with Lili before she went to bed. (I just said that for you dear) and I just loved seeing her face light up when I tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her new dress or outfit, or how pretty her hair (bow) is. Lili is still cultivating her hair supply. Aly is growing hers in THICK.

So I know that they care what other's think already. I know the most important thing to teach them is to care about what God thinks. And to make sure that they know that He loves them first, above all else. After all, He IS love. He ought to be, He created it.

Lord listen to your children praying...

2008-03-28T22:33:00.000-07:00

Tonight we were a little late getting our girls to bed. We took off to Jacksonville for a little shopping and just a ride away from the "normal" weekly routine. We had to fight the battle of "I want to go home". Our oldest, Aly has gotten used to spending time doing "her thing" at home and doesn't like to sit in her freakin' car seat for so long. AND she is teaching that lovely attitude to her little sis. SO we had to put a stop to that right quick. After all we are a travelling family. Gosh ain't that the truth. Especially these past few years. Actually the whole time we have had Aly we have been planning to travel somewhere it seems. We are even planning on traveling to Heaven in the Rapture so I am sure that our little ones are just gonna have to get used to our mentality.

Apparently they are. We are teaching them the importance of talking with God. Not just learning a prayer by rote but discussing our needs and wants and thanks with God. Trying to get them to understand it all is really a hard job. We just continue to let them see our way of life. Our IMPERFECT way of life but our dependence on God for everything. Including a good nights sleep. Full of good dreams and restful sleep. And angels, how many ever are needed for that particular night assigned to watch over and protect little sleeping children (and parents too).

Well, tonight after Daddy said his good nights and got his butterfly kiss, Eskimo kiss, and lip kiss I prayed for Lili and then she went to tell Poppy good night. As she was coming back through to go to bed, Mom told her to hug her sister Aly and then she asked Aly if she was going to pray for Lili and she said yes. Which has been kind of sporadic as of late but nonetheless she began praying for her little sister and I grabbed the camera and got this precious shot of the two of them praying. Aly of course asking for 4 angels to watch over Lili. What an awesome experience to sit and contemplate.

If God had not planted the seed of desire in our hearts to adopt these two little blessings then they may never have known what prayer was about. And although they are just learning and mimicking sometimes what they see us do, they are slowly growing towards that day when they will trust our Lord Jesus with their souls and their lives so that He may direct their paths. In His divine will. I am praying that my eyes do not close on this earth before I see that happen and if it be His will I will be the one who baptizes them into the family of God. My heart can hardly stand it.

Stuff

2008-03-13T12:11:00.001-07:00

Has it been that long since my last post? Well, so what. Life goes on.
I was just sitting here listening to my two year old repeating the same thing over and over and over... Driving me crazy. And then again there is a lesson in it just as there is a lesson in EVERYTHING. I realize she is repeating because she is practicing her speech and she needs to hear it so she can improve it. Either that or her birth mother was a pearl store employee who day in and day out did a presentation for tourists so Lili heard repetition again and again while she was in utero and so she is used to it. Either way, she does it for whatever reason and her little voice is soooooo sweet that even when I am about to lose it and pull my last two hairs out the grace of God overcomes me and I just listen and smile and get all soft inside and fight off shedding tears. Too dang much estrogen in my house again.
You know there is always so much crap going on in the world and we have enough of our own that could just overwhelm us if I let it but then I am reminded of the two beautiful gifts from God that brighten my day EVERY day. They ask for so little and give so much. My Aly loves to climb up in my lap and "play" on the computer. She loves to do it anytime except when she has a fever of 101 and is laying in our bed. Then she just wants to lay beside us and feel us close to her. She loves SOOOOOO much and SOOOOO well that I wish everyone could experience that love for themselves. I hope you all have. If not you should. There sure are plenty of children out there who would love to have a mommy and a daddy to love and be loved by.
Anyway, my Lili loves to climb up in my lap too and resist my kissing her and tickling. It's like a fight from the time she comes up and I try to hug her. She wants the hug but MUST pretend like she doesn't. For whatever reason. But I love making her laugh and tickling her.
Back to the lesson. You know we must sound like Lili to the great I AM. Repetition. Dear Lord please blah blah blah. Heavenly Father please blah blah blah. But you know what? I am sure he looks at us kind of like the way we look at our little ones. With patience and compassion with a little discipline mixed in when necessary. Like when I had to pop Aly's butt for coloring our stereo speaker. AFTER being warned that she would get a spanking if she colored on anything other than paper. She had decorated our TV for the second time. Oh well, I truly understand what "this is gonna hurt me a lot more than you" means. SO I guess God hurts when He has to discipline us.
My Grandad used to say that when you've been spanked by God you know you've been spanked! I know what he means. I sure do miss him.
When I was a little boy I was afraid of the dark and Grandad knew it. He would tease me and scare the hell out of me and laugh and I would climb up in his lap and feel all safe and secure. He would even spend the night or a portion of it with me so I could get to sleep. We would lay in the bed and he would tell me jokes and we would laugh and laugh.
I can't wait till I see him again.

A little fence isn't going to stop me

2008-01-30T10:39:00.000-08:00

OK so I finally found a spot where I can come and clear my mind and do some writing. It is a little ways away from our home but it's worth the drive. Maybe about 10 or so miles but it is a place where I can sit and park and hear the surf and see the ocean. There is just something about the ocean that inspires me to write. Anyway, I drive up today and this guy is putting up a fence right in front of my wonderful view. A FENCE!!! It's not like people have been walking all over the area and dogs have been pooping the place up. It looks nice and you can still see the ocean through the slats but it STILL kind of hacks me off that it obstructs my view a little.

Oh well, I can still hear the surf and see the ocean. I will just have to learn to adjust. Who knows, maybe they don't want me parking here and writing. Doesn't matter I am still going to write and someday I will look back on this and laugh.

Speaking of Dogs- Man's best friend, I am feeling kind of guilty for not bringing my Bailey with me today. She ALWAYS wants to go where ever I go. Even if it is just a ride she loves to go. I could be going out to the car to get something and she will be in the car as soon as I open the door. She will jump in and head to the back window immediately, just waiting to go so she can bark at something. She loves to bark at people, or other dogs and especially anything in the back of a pick up truck. It could be bags of trash, it doesn't matter she will bark at it and be mad if it doesn't bark back.

She has been a faithful friend and we love her so but since the girls came her world has been turned upside down and she has had to take 2nd and even 3rd place when she was so used to being first place. Oh well, she still loves us and puts up with us. Even when we are attacked in the middle of the night by our girls.

That's right, Aly had a bad dream and woke us up about 3:15am and climbed into bed with us, THEN about an hour or so (I think, I was in a sleep funk) Lili wakes up crying for the second time wanting to see Daddy. Well , Shelley has to pee really bad so she drops off Lili with me, remember I am in the sleep funk, and Lili immediately wants to lay down beside me but she can't because Aly is there, SO she begins her "WHY DADDEEEE???" and wailing like I have chopped off her left leg. SO I let her slide off of me onto, you guessed it. But of course, Aly can sleep through a hurricane (which is good living here in Florida) and it doesn't effect her at all but I have mortally wounded Lili and she will never recover from her DADDEEEE dropping her off and letting her land on Aly.

In the mean time, Bailey is the smart one and gets up and moves to the recliner because the big dog (that's me) starts barking that "everyone is up now" and so on and so on...

Everything calms back down and we all get to sleep until Aly needs to warm up her feet. Well, the place she chooses to warm her feet is NOT my choice place. She loves to wiggle her feet under my butt and sometimes IN my butt crack giving me a serious wedgie that I DO NOT like especially when I am in a sleep funk and WANT to be asleep. SO I tell her if she is going to play then she needs to go ahead and get up which in turn hurts her feelings because she is still sleepy and wants to sleep but she thinks the big dog is till barking too so she complies. Sometimes it's nice to be the big dog.

And this is my life.

You gotta love it.

I sure do!!

(and you thought this post was about a fence to keep our Bailey in didn't you)

What a View

2008-01-22T12:09:00.000-08:00

Today I am sitting in front of the beautiful Atlantic ocean enjoying the waves and the breeze. It is a bit chilly I might add although it is definitely worth it. I am amazed at the number of people coming and going to the beach to walk or pick up sea shells or just look at the ocean. I am parked by a ramp that you can drive down onto the beach if you have a four wheel drive vehicle. Alas, I do not and that is probably a good thing because I am someone who could get a four wheeler stuck I am sure. The picture above was taken at this spot a few months ago when we were out and about. I wanted you to see it so you could be jealous. Also it is considerably more choppy and many more waves crashing ashore than in this picture. Remember I said it was breezy.

I choose to come here today to spend some time in introspection. Some renewal time alone, just me and my thoughts and Rush Limbaugh on the radio for a while. Yes I am a fan and I am happy to admit that. I have learned a lot from him and am not ashamed to admit it. Anyway, I was listening to his program today as a distraction from my own problems, of which there are many. And it was a welcome distraction at that. After yelling at my more than understanding wife and putting the "fear of daddy" in my children's eyes, I knew it was time to make some decisions in my life, some concrete, definitive decisions. Maybe I am in the throws of a midlife crisis. Perhaps I am just feeling "blue", my metabolism is kind of slow so that would explain why "blue Monday" would hit me on Tuesday. (for those of you who are unaware, yesterday is designated as "blue Monday" because so many people take their own lives on that day. Due to the holidays having been over and the holiday bills racking up etc. Sad huh?)

Anyway, I am not in the end your life group by a long shot, been there done that and have the scars to prove it. Not any good reason to even contemplate that. No my need is for a time to re group, recoup, rethink, rework, revitalize, whatever else "re" I can think of and perhaps some new terms that would apply. Brooding, contemplation, deep thought, heart searching, introversion, meditation, reflection, rumination, scrutiny, self-absorption, self-examination, self-observation, self-questioning, and soul-searching. (I love dictionary.com)

The funny thing is, the more I think about myself, the more I am drawn to others and their situations. People I have no real idea about just one of those "feelings" you get sometime. I attribute it to the Holy Spirit speaking to my soul, my heart. For example. As I am sitting here writing this a man pulls up about 30 feet from me in his car. Apparently he too is here for the view and a bit of quiet time. I can't help but notice that he has his hand covering his eyes as if he is weeping. I don't notice shoulder shrugging or body jolts. Of course I am not staring at him I am simply noticing him in my peripheral vision as I type. But occasionally I do look at him and notice that his face is red and his eyes are too. My heart reaches out to him and I begin to pray for him. Just that simple. I am praying "Lord please help this man. If he knows you then please draw him closer. If he doesn't then please draw him to you. And if there is something I am supposed to be doing then please give me the knowledge and strength to do it." If you know me and how I think then you know I am already imagining this guy pulling out a gun and blowing his brains out right in front of me (that's the dramatic side of me) and I am trying to figure out if I should get out of my car and waddle over to his car and maybe ask him if I can help in some way when suddenly he reverses his car and drives away.

Hmmmm, well that was a little weird. Then about 5 minutes later another guy pulls in at the same spot and just sits and looks at the ocean for a while and then drives off. Undoubtedly I am at a prime spot from which to view the ocean on this stretch of highway. SO I kind of just attribute all of that to coincidence. But is there really anything that is coincidence to a believer?

There have been too many amazing, even miraculous "things" that have happened in my life to accredit them all to coincidence.

As I sit here writing, I am overwhelmed at the very thought of these incidences flooding my mind, one right after the other, reminding me of the awesome power and detailed interest my Heavenly Father has for me as His child. And I mourn for the time I have waisted not enjoying the comfort of His loving embrace and sheltering wing.

As I look out over this wondrous scene I see so many sights that speak to me and perhaps to even you, whoever you are reading this (once again no coincidences). There is a sail boat off in the distance that has drifted past me. Actually I can't even see it anymore. It began at my far left and now has drifted way down past me on my right. I remember looking at it as it got closer and noticed that it had no sails up. On a windy day like today, no sails?! I was wondering why and I realized that maybe it didn't need sails today. It was just going to make it on the power of the wind moving the boat. I could be wrong of course and they were using their motor, but to me the message I got was from the sailboat enjoying the peace of just being moved by the power of the wind.

I have only been out past the breaking waves in a boat once that I can remember and the quietness of it always struck me. Kind of like when you walk out on a pier, way way out on a pier and you no longer hear the breaking waves, just the wind of the ocean in your ears. Anyway, this sailboat spoke to me of the turbulence my little family has been in this past year (and then some). How we have not had wind in our sails sometimes and even if we had sails and didn't have the strength to put them up we still were kept moving along by the power of the wind.

I am reminded that I have known my Heavenly Father for some time now and if you are arrogant like me you would think that I would have Him figured out by now and know how any given situation will work out. Well of course I don't and He continually amazes me with something new. Something totally off the charts. Way out in left field and yet ideally suited for me and my little clan. What an awesome God, what a loving father, what a magnificent adventure He plans and executes for us His children. (What am I referring to? Come back soon and I will tell you.)

And just think of the people who don't have this relationship with Him. It breaks my heart. Just as I imagine it hurts His. SO much pain and no where to go for healing. SO many who are looking and think that they have an answer, but not THE answer.

Well, I have typed myself into a real need to pee. AND there are no places to go and pee around here so I will have to end my diatribe here and ask that anyone reading this please continue to pray for our family and especially me as leader of our family. I know God is at work. We have asked Him to be. We have seen His hand and continue to rest in His mighty grip. However, we are only human and our patience runs thin sometimes and I lose my mind and yell at my wife and scare the kids. For those of you who have never done this you won't understand, but for those of you who have, well you know.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to drop in. I appreciate all your kind comments and encouragement. Love to you all.

David

We'll keep the light on for ya !

2008-01-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

When I was just a young boy, not a little boy, for I never was "little", I remember laying in my bed and looking up at the ceiling wondering. I would wonder about everything. I wondered how clouds were formed. I wondered how ketchup was made. I wondered why there were mosquitoes. I wondered why I had a penis and my sister had a vagina. Of course I am still working on that one. I wondered where God came from.

It made sense to me that if we were created, that we came from somewhere, and I accepted that and there was a God who started it all up and I accepted that, then He must have had someone who created Him and so on and so on etcetera etcetera etcetera. I would usually end my "wondering" with a sigh and a realization that I was still just a young boy and that I would find all that out later on as I got older. I would then turn over away from the light and fall asleep.

I always slept with the light on because I was a "frady cat". I needed to be able to see what was in my room at any given moment of the night, without having to turn a light on. I needed to be able to focus my attention to that weird creaking noise that would happen at any given moment in the middle of the night. I did NOT believe it was just the "house settling". I wanted to see that paranoid drug crazed maniac BEFORE he plunged the nine inch knife into my heart. I wanted to be able to SCREAM before I left this planet. I wanted others to hear my warning shout so that they could save themselves.

Perhaps if you had grown up at "Collinwood" you would have slept with the light on too. For those of you who don't recognize the reference to "Collinwood" it is from a series in the late 60's early 70's called Dark Shadows and the house in that series could have been the house I grew up in. You see I grew up, well until I was 16 years old in a beautiful old home that belonged to my Grandparents. We lived with my Grandparents in their 13 room mansion near the big city of Columbia SC. We lived with them because my father (their son) was an alcoholic and absentee a lot and well we would not have had another place to live if it had not been for my Grandparents looking out for us.

My Mother was the faithful, stable, responsible one who made sure we had all we needed and a lot of what we wanted. She gave up her Independence and suffered through years of "sucking hind tit" living with my Grandparents. Now don't misunderstand me. I love my Grandparents and am so blessed to have grown up around them but I understand now as an adult things I did not begin to understand or even "wonder" about as a child. She never begrudged sacrificing her happiness for us so that we could be "brought up" in a secure environment full of love. She was an awesome woman to have done that. And she never told me, not once in my lifetime that I was silly to be afraid of the dark. She seemed to understand my need to have a light on. She never spoke the words, "there is nothing there in the dark that is not there in the light" although there were plenty of others who did.

Quite frankly I don't understand what the hell that means anyway. It certainly never comforted me. The whole point was to be able to see. Also, I never was one of those who believed that if you covered your head with your bedspread that you would "magically" not be seen by whatever monster or psycho was getting ready to chop or eat your head off. I think because of the nature of my "bedroom" I was forced from an early age to adapt and "evolve" into a higher learned young man who could stand in the face, or perhaps in my case, lay in the face of sheer terror and stare it down until the fog of sleepiness exercised it's power and I fell asleep. And I am here today as a testimony to the will to survive.

I have to attempt to describe my bedroom so that you will get the whole picture. My "bedroom" was in fact designed to be a library in this home. It had many built in shelves and a built in desk in the corner. It had so many shelves with pictures and books and busts of people and pictures of family members etc that even though it was my bedroom it never really felt like a bedroom. The room itself was adjacent to the downstairs living room or "den" as many refer to it. We always called it a living room because it's where we did most of our living. Anyway, the room was about 16 feet by 14 feet give or take a few feet. It was a huge room. It had bi fold doors at four entrances. Those kind of doors that are in front of a lot of closets. Two of the doorways were blocked so that we could make use of the space. But they still had a creepy feel to me. All of the entrances had those little windows over them which looked really neat but made me sooooo paranoid that those monsters were looking in my room even when the doors were shut.

The ceilings, if you will remember at which I stared at to wonder, were made of pine. Dark wood with protruding beams and lots and lots of knots in the wood. Perfect for imagining faces in them. At one end of the room was a full floor to ceiling mirror that was about 7 feet across. BUILT IN!! And at the other was a set of beautiful giant windows that took up the entire wall and were covered at night by giant curtains that you had to pull shut at the FAR end. In other words, when you entered this creepy but beautiful room at night when no light was on, you had to go to the other doorway, which was blocked off remember, just to turn on the light. THEN you had to go to the super creepy window and close the curtains, making sure to hurry so that the homeless murderer could not see the apparent fear on your face. I mean it was just a little scary. Did I mention that there was a chandelier in the room and that the ceilings were 10 feet? Oh yeah. Now do you understand keeping the light on? I am having the hairs stand up on the back of my neck just remembering it.

Oh well, I don't know what got me started on this subject. Just needed to vent a little. I think I was wanting to talk about wondering. I think it's because my little heartbeat asks me questions that are so full of her wonder. I know that she wonders an awful lot. Currently she is wondering why Daddy yells so much and sleeps so long and cries sometimes.

I don't have to wonder. I know it's because I have left my first love and I miss Him terribly. I have been angry at Him for so long for a number of reasons. It's because of Him that I can wonder. And wander. Which He has let me do for some time now. I am angry that He directs me to the place I need to be and to learn what I need to learn. I think I am just like my little girl when she gets angry at me. She will lay in my arms and cry and grimace and I will talk sweet to her and love on her and she gets even angrier. But then after a while I can always make her laugh even if she doesn't want to. Just like me when I recall all that God has brought me through and I can laugh at this little bump in the road.

AND I know that I don't need the light on anymore but I sill like one in the other room so that it sheds a little light into our room. Of course for going to the bathroom and such. Because quite frankly I would rather not be awakened if a crazed maniac makes it into our room to send us to Jesus. I just hope it is quick and while I am DEEP asleep. Just rest assured there is a light on in this house somewhere at all times.

I hope that someone who gives my eulogy will be able to say that about me. And NOT that there was nobody home either.

CHOW!

Happy New Hone

2008-01-07T22:44:00.000-08:00

My beautiful little laugh bunnies enjoying each other

and of course we enjoy them enjoying each other!!!!

Greetings and Happy New Year to all who read this.

Wow. A brand new slate wiped clean and ready for us to fill with memories to last us a lifetime. As I sit and write this I am reminded of the conversation I had with my oldest on New Year's Day. We were discussing what a "New Year" meant. I got to explain it to her in terms that I was sure she would understand, in fact they even made sense to me.

I told her that a new year was like a brand new piece of paper. Being four years old and LOVING to draw and practice writing this really hit home. She also LOVES clean white sheets of paper. I explained it like everyone was getting a new piece of paper to draw and write the events of the year on. Maybe their hopes and wishes and plans etc. I told her that the last year was just like the piece of paper you have been writing on and drawing on for a while and you have used up all the good areas to create in so you want to move to a "new" sheet of paper. She liked that definition so there.

Well if you are like me you NEED a new clean sheet of paper. If just to look at and ponder for a while. Maybe that's why you will read this on January 8 or later instead of January 1 or 2nd. It's not because my wife did not encourage me to write here. She said it could "hone" my writing skills and I could use some "honing" I am sure... what ever that means. I think I know but my mind is a big Swiss cheese block and I could be wrong so Valerie (if you read this) I will have to, well, OK, for ANYONE of you who know me you know I am about to go online to Dictionary.com and find our what "hone" means. Hold on a sec. AND according to that website it means- to make more acute or effective; improve; perfect: to hone one's skills. So there. I DEFINITELY need to do that. As you can see from the rabbits I chase.

I think this is a year in which to hone some skills that are getting a bit rusty. Oh yeah the definition also refers to sharpening a knife or some other instrument in need of sharpening. Kind of like our minds I guess. So I will be honing. Perhaps here. Perhaps there. Keep a look out. Until then enjoy looking at three of the most beautiful creatures of our AWESOME GOD'S creation. Until I hone some more...
David

Celebrating Shelley's birthday.

AM I a blessed man or what???

Celebrating Aly's 4th birthday. She is making a wish here.

And getting that wish fulfilled here !

My two butterfly hunters. Enjoying a birthday gift.

Notice the unopened box in the background

with the writing "not gone through yet"

GOTCHA !!! Three Years Ago Today

2007-12-27T17:10:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that this little muffin has been in our arms for three whole years. WOW!! I just can't remember life without her. I really can but I don't really know if I was REALLY living until I became her Daddy. Even now as I write this she is running by me asking me if I am ready to play on the computer with her. How can I say no. So this will be short. Just know that for anyone waiting on their little bundles of joy, it will be here before you know it. It is worth the wait.

Happy New Year!!

The "W" in Christmas

2007-12-23T10:20:00.000-08:00

The following is a story that was emailed to me. I loved it and it touched my heart so much that I wanted to share it with you. I don't know whom should receive credit for this story so if you know who you are, thank you for your willingness to share your story with so many.

And may I take this time to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and may your Christmas be filled with love and remembering of all the love given by so many all year long.

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.

So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.

Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.

Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".

Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

C H R I S T W A S L O V E

And, I believe, He still is.

"I don't care who you are, get your reindeer off my roof!"

2007-12-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a difference a year makes. I was just writing an update that Shelley asked me to write to remember our "Gotcha Day" for Lili. I was thinking as I was writing that I was using all of my "blog energy" (thank you I have coined a new phrase) to enter stuff for her blog and what would I write for my blog. Then it occurred to me, no one reads this stuff but us anyway. It's almost like a big glorified email back and forth. But blah de blah.

I guess that brings me to the opening title. "I don't care who you are, get your reindeer off of my roof". That was what Carolyn used to always say to us this time of year, whenever we would call we could count on hearing that. She loved that saying and we loved hearing her say it. I sure would love to hear it again. I will have to wait. Along with my mother's comments on our blogs. You can be sure that both of our mother's would have been reading our blogs on a regular basis. They loved us so and our little girls too. I mourn that Aly and Lili will not have the benefit of them being around while they grow up to be young ladies.

This time of year is always hard for folks who have lost loved ones in the past year. Shelley was speaking to her very good friends Mom recently. Her friend Linda, went to be with the Lord this past year and her little 11 year old son has to now grow up without a Mommy. These are questions I will have to remember to ask the Lord one day. I know His ways are best and He is sovereign but still...

Anyway, if you read this, please remember us in your prayers. We miss our Mommies too. I guess you never really get over it. If yours is still with you, make it a point to hug her a little longer and spend time with her. You just never know what is going to happen this next year.

Merry Christmas!!
David

Reading to my little beauties.

More of my beauties.

You Better Watch Out...

2007-12-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

Greetings from our castle to yours. We pray you have a wonderful holiday season and we hope to get our Christmas letter/cards out soon. Until then, I will just tide you over with an updated picture of my heart. Pretty darn healthy wouldn't you agree? Just an unbelieveable example of God's magnificent creativity. What a joy to be their Daddy. I wish I did it better. I am gonna get there. At least they know beyond all else that I love them and there Mother. Everything else is well, blah de blah. I love saying that, blah dee blah blah. And you know, blah de blah blah blah. Really, when you get down to it that is really all there is. Just some saying. Blah de blah could just as well mean, I love you. It really is in the way you say it. I could prove that to you with my dog. All I have to do is just lift the pitch of my voice and smile a bit and talk like an idiot and say "blah de blah blah" and she will just wiggle and shake and have an endorphin attack.

ANYWAY. Here we are again at the holidays. Last year for us the holidays were spent in China, well at least Christmas. We were there getting our youngest blessing. Lili. What a joy and tremendous life saver she has been this past year. I don't know why God choose to bless us with these two little wonderful lives but we are so blessed to be their parents.

Here are a few pictures just for me. I mean you. Well you know, blah de blah.

Are these two little China angels or what?!!!

Celebrating our Lili's 2nd birthday.

I LUVVVVV Icing!!

Practicing for the "Rubber Ducky" Rodeo

Devoted Sisters

Well, that's a little bit of heaven right here on earth. And don't we need that!! Blah de blah.

Don't work to hard and don't shop too much. Love, laugh and live like there's no tomorrow. I wish I could to that. Maybe I will...tomorrow.

Love ,

David

Overwhelmed In the Castle

2007-11-12T13:18:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I should change the name of this blog to "A View from the Castle". You know the saying, a man's home is his castle. Well, I am writing to you from my "castle" and I had a whole nuther idea that I was going to cathart but I have to share this story first.

A funny story about Aly's pronunciation of the word castle. Last year about this time, she was in the mode for filling her Christmas wish list, keep in mind that we were going to China so we steadily encouraged her to make THAT her main wish on the list. However, she was convinced that she should have a pink castle that she had noticed in some child's toy catalog. I am glad I got to see what she was talking about at the time she described it to us because she had not mastered the beginning "k" sound for castle so it came out like, yep you guessed it... as*hole. SO she was in fact telling us that she wanted a pink as*hole. I know , I know she is just a small child and as innocent as a newborn pup but her pronunciation was as clear as could be on this item. Needless to say, after wiping away the tears from my eyes, due to self imposed refrained laughter we of course wished to share this experience with others and encouraged her to ask some of our friends for her "wish". After all, laughter is the best medicine.

Alas, those days are over now, it is a castle now and forever more and no longer Ucky Ease but Chucky Cheese and we go to Church instead of Urch. But I still have the memories.

I am further reminded of my own loose tongue that tends to come back to bite me on occasion. For instance, my biggest vice has to be foul language. I know, not the Christian thing you want to hear but hey it's honest. I am a "dammi*" kind of guy with a "sh*t" thrown in when I mess something up. But most of the time I am asking myself out loud "what the he*l is this?" Or "where the he*l did I put this or that". You get the picture. Well, a while back, my girls, Shelley, Aly, Lili, Bailey, and I were going through the drive thru at Chik-fil-a and I ordered the little toy book for Aly. No sooner had I given her the book and was driving off that I heard, "what the he*l is this?!" To which I wrecked into the car in front of us and died laughing, not really. I had to ask her again, "what did you just say?" And she repeated it again and used it in a proper fashion asking about a particular picture that was confusing her. Well, her mother was not too amused although she did laugh. I on the other hand was quite impressed with her proper grammatical exercise and you will be pleased to know that I did instruct her not to use that type of "adult" language again. But it certainly made me aware of little ears, you too huh?

So it has been a while since I posted last. I appreciate the comments from friends and loved ones and those I have not even had the pleasure of emailing or getting to know yet. Don't give up on me please. I assure you once we get passed the overwhelming aspect of the Sanford residence our lives will be more organized and I can post these wonderfully amusing thoughts for your entertainment and education. Although currently we are about to lose what little mind we have left listing and selling items on Ebay. Just in time for the holidays. Those fun filled days will be here in a moment and that is how we are making a living right now so I am sure you understand.

Getting back to the title of this blog, I wanted to say how overwhelmed I have been since reading my wife's blog http://www.wildnoodles.blogspot.com/ and her reminisces of our referral days for our girls. Oh my Lord, it hardly seems possible that we not only have one beautiful daughter but that we have two. As I write, one is sound asleep in her crib for her nap and one just yelled out "yea" because she learned how to line up and turn over the dominoes. The "antique coke bottle" dominoes that I am selling on Ebay I might add. (That adds to the overwhelmed part.)

They have been such a blessing to our lives. They have changed us forever. To those of you waiting, it is so worth the wait. And God is perfect at placing your daughters/sons so keep the faith. He does not fail. It is still so hard to imagine what we did before them. Can't wait to see the future with them. All part of God's magnificent sovereign plan.

What an awesome God to give me daughters that I can laugh and cry with and cuddle and love to pieces in spite of my short comings.

He looks beyond my foibles and loose tongue and sees my heart...

a father's heart.

Something I KNOW He is familiar with.

David

A View from the Castle

2007-10-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

I feel like such a wimp sometimes and other times I feel like an ogre. I feel like I ride the pendulum when it comes to our girls. I am trying to follow my brother's advice, that is Michael Pearl of "Train up a Child" and I know his advice is biblically sound and works it is just soooooo hard sometimes. You know I feel so guilty when I have to spank my little girls butt. She is just so smart and sometimes just blatantly defiant and she knows it and I know it and well, there you have it. She has to have the rod sometimes. We are working on the defiant attitude right now. Better get a grip on it now. God knows we saw enough of it in the 7 + years at the Children's Home.

Anyway, I just feel guilty and there is that little angel, or is it the devil, sitting on my shoulder saying. "Don't you remember all you went through to have that little girl? And now here you are spanking her. Shame on you! All she did was tell a little lie. She doesn't even know what she is doing". Now that I think about it, it must be the devil. Anyway, it is hard not to just give in to your emotions and just say. It's OK just don't do it again. Gosh, don't we all wish that just worked.

OK, so let's talk about the homosexuality and Christianity subject. I will be typing myself into oblivion if I try to fully explain myself on this but I am going to try my best. I have grown up with lots of gay people around me. It began with my sisters friend from church who was in love with my sister. Of course it wasn't reciprocated but it did add a dynamic to my young life that I was not fully aware existed until I realized I had a gay best friend. And he was a friend of mine from church too. Then I grew up and went to college and met more people, professing Christians with fruits of the spirit evident in there life. They turned out to be gay too. I could give you lots of details, family members, acquaintances, close friends etc. My heart was breaking to think that all these people, just because they preferred sex with their own sex would go to hell regardless.

SO, this is the conclusion I came to . First, I don't believe you are born gay. I believe you can have a predisposition to effeminate or manly characteristics that make you subjected to ridicule and make you yourself question your sexuality but I don't believe you are born that way. That would leave you no choice in the matter. I don't believe God does that. I may be wrong. Anyway, secondly, I believe you can be gay AND be a born again Believer in Jesus Christ. I believe that once you are saved you are SAVED. Period. Written in the Lambs book of life. No giant erasers in heaven. It's grace that we just can't fathom. SO, when the Bible talks about liars, and effeminate, adulterers etc not inheriting the Kingdom of Heaven, I believe it is saying the truth. HOWEVER, you must remember that once you are born again, your a sanctified, sealed and sainted. You may be trapped in your flesh until you are perfected when Jesus comes and takes us outta here.

Now hold on a minute you say. That means you can get saved and then do whatever the heck you want. And I say a big fat YES. That is why Jesus said go MAKE DISCIPLES not go get a bunch of people saved. Salvation is the easy part. Discipleship, learning to follow Christ, to become like him, to die to self daily, etc. Now that is the hard part. Our brother's and sisters who are living the homosexual lifestyle and still claim to be Christian can very much be just that. They are just deceived by the devil and are missing out on a closeness with Christ that some of us experience occasionally. I mean come on now. If you want to argue the point, why do we make such a big issue of homosexuality and not fornication or adultery? Is it more socially consciousness or judgemental ism or what?

Now I didn't just arrive at this overnight. I had a few friendships that I lost because of this issue. I never lost a friendship over the fact that someone was sleeping around or was a habitual liar or was doing things that were unholy. Just over the homosexual issue. I came to realize that could not be what Christ wants us to do. After all he is all about love. I know I know he said go and sin no more. What an idyllic mentality. He could have that and still love us in spite of ourselves. He has ALWAYS known what our abilities are and he chose to create us anyway. OK, so I have started a whole heap of controversy I am sure.

Bottom line is, I believe that once you are saved, God looks at you as he looks at His Son. You are a Saint. Period. You didn't get there by anything you did and you can't hold on to it or lose it because of something you do. Grace... wonderful, amazing, simple grace. If you choose to live deceived sometimes it is not of our own necessary choosing, after all remember what Paul said. Something like this. "What I want to do, I don't do and what I don't want to do, I do" so even Paul wrestled with the flesh. Doesn't mean he was lost does it?

OK so that's enough of that.
Until we meet again.
David

It's getting better in the Castle

2007-10-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

My little princess came and slept with us a while this morning. I must admit I was in hogs heaven when she fell back to sleep on my arm as she was snuggled up to me. I am hoping however that she falls asleep and has a pleasant and sound sleep tonight with no bad dreams. I enjoyed my "adult" time with my wife last night. Although we both are physically tired and sleepy we try to get a little bit of conversation in that is not interrupted by little ones. We also got to turn on a movie that was rated a little more than G. Mind you I like the kids movies and family movies I just enjoyed some character development and story line etc. I think Shelley did too, although she fell asleep half way through. Not to mention, this was a "chick flick" and I didn't necessarily care for the gratuitous sex. The movie was "The Holiday" with Camron Diaz, Jude Law, Jack Black and my new favorite actress Kate Winslett. There is no nudity and only a few bad words and the story line is great. We really enjoyed it.

Oh well, blah blah blah. I am checking to see if anyone is reading my musings. There have been a few people here and there. No comments however and Shelley tells me it's because of some setting I have, so I changed it to allow everyone to post a comment. I certainly welcome them. I would love to know if anyone out there finds my posts interesting. I would also like to open a forum up about topics so that I can spout off about whatever interests you. For instance.

Shelley and I as you probably know have recently moved in with my father in law. The house was already full and we brought a truck load and a a half to mix in with it. Well, needless to say, we can't do it all ourselves so we hired some kids from one of Shelley's life long friends family (niece and nephew- 14 and 10 years old respectively) to help us out. They have been doing a great job and we really appreciate their help. Anyway, we somehow got on the subject about homosexuality and Christianity and we definitely differed in our opinions and interpretations about scripture. Now of course I made sure they knew that I was not trying to persuade their views, after all they are only 14 and 10. I told them that they should always discuss matters such as these with their parents. The opinion I was giving was mine and mine alone.

Now of course you are asking yourself and me, what is your opinion? OK, glad you asked. I have taken a few days to research this topic and do other things that needed doing so I feel a little behind in my posting so I am going to post this and then maybe speak on that topic if and I do say IF anyone is interested.

By the way, for the past few nights it has gotten easier and easier to go to sleep with just my wife and oldest (Bailey). She after all has been sleeping with us for the past 8 years so there is just no changing that until she goes to doggy heaven. And don't get me started there either. Our beautiful little Jack Russell Terrorist has been under the weather the past few days after injuring her eye and crapping all over the back seat of our car and puking too. Oh well, I guess it is our fault for just leaving her in the car to go out to eat after taking her to the Vet and them giving her a antibiotic shot. Needless to say, our meal was cut short. You DON'T want the details.

OK so I will post later about the topic K? Who the heck is reading this anyway? I have had only one comment (thank you Jennifer) and that encourages my continued musings. It has been cathartic and educational. Hope you have fun and learn something too.

Hoping your dreams come true,

David

Goodnight Sweet Princess

2007-10-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

I don't quite know how to handle our situation right now. I am a mix of emotion. What we are embarking upon is a bitter sweet experience. Perhaps someone out there can help. Maybe not. Let me explain. Our little girl, our oldest, Alyson is starting to sleep in her own room again. Her own bed for the first time. No longer with Mommy and Daddy. My heart is breaking. I am sure to those of you who haven't experienced this you think I am some kind of weirdo but I am telling you that after sharing our bed with our child for over a year now, we have bonded so closely and sometimes look forward to our little special time just before we go to sleep.

Aly has cried about it to us before. She said that she likes just having us all to herself and not having to share us with Lili. We lay in the bed and laugh and joke and read and sometimes argue about "Aly go to sleep". But eventually those beautiful brown eyes close and her eyelids slow down in their blinking and she yawns a few times and then she is out like a light. That is if she has had the chance to "play wiff Mommies hayuhh". She is so tactile and she loves the feeling of Shelley's hair between her fingers.

She also loves to ask me dozens of questions, which of course I love to answer and discuss etc. She has already learned the way to snooker Dad. But you know, I love it. I sit and think about the not too distant future when she will no longer want to just lay in the bed and ask Dad and Mom questions and laugh and sing and try to wake up her sister or get Bailey rambunctious. I love it when she curls up in my arm and falls asleep. I am going to miss that terribly. It really hurts my heart.

I know she has to grow up. I know she needs to have her room and her bed etc. I also know that Shelley and I really need the alone ADULT time. Time to simply have an adult conversation not interrupted by our loving daughter. It still doesn't make it any easier. I miss her already. I know I know just give it time. She did so well last night. She slept all night by herself in her bed. She is sharing the room with Lili currently until Fred Sandford and his crew move out. Then she will have her own room.

But night before last I thought I would lose it. It feels to much like a death of sorts to me, and believe me I have had enough of those for a while. She went to bed with the intention of sleeping in her bed but a little later , she came crying to us and climbed up in my lap and told me "I thought it would be easier. It's so lonely". SO of course what did we do. She slept with us.

Oh well, just like the urologist told me about my kidney stone. This too shall pass. I still hate to watch her grow up soooooo quickly. I know she is only 3, well almost 4 but it just seems like yesterday I held her tiny body in my arms as she protested for an hour. Sometimes I just wish time could just stand still for a few moments. God please help me to make better use of the time I have to spend with my girls. Help me to make it count.

We had the first of a few yard sales today. Made our week seem successful. Getting rid of stuff and turning some of it into cash. Basically made enough to pay the kids who helped us all week and enough to tithe (yes yard sale money IS income and you should tithe it...oh yes the Lord made me painfully aware of our not tithing all monies that come in). SO if you do read this and you are so inclined, please pray for our continued successes. Give a big praise to the BIG MAN upstairs for us. He is so good. We are blessed.

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places.
David

We're off and running...

2007-10-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

OK, so we have begun the process. I even have the pictures and all with my profile etc. How cool is that huh? My wife was just was discussing with me about re-doing her blog and she changed the color to black. Is this what we have been reduced to? Talking about our blog colors. Well then so be it. You must find common ground. I am not a hunter, not a sports enthusiast (I was several years ago but that was when I was a betting fool), So she has never had to fight that battle. Although I am not as into the adoption thing as she is and we enjoy each others company but it seems like the years have slowly eaten away at our common likes and dislikes.

What I mean is, you have to WORK at your relationship don't you! It doesn't just happen. Well, when you are first married it seems to "just happen" that's because all you can think of is making whoopee. Is that how you spell that? Anyway, you know what I mean. You spend a lot of time together making love and then eating, making love and then eating again and then maybe watching a movie until well, you know... and you just seem to have a lot in common. Of course you have a lot of likes and dislikes too. Hopefully you share those.

But times change and you change with them. Your lives just change. You may have demanding jobs that drain your emotional tank which leaves you dry when your spouse needs your emotions also. You have kids and they are so demanding that you put your spouse on the back burner and pray they will forgive you and you blow kisses at night instead of actually kissing. Do I sound like a Psychologists dream or what. Blah, blah, blah. I'll bet my wife has a hissy when she reads this. Maybe or maybe not. Who knows, but what I am saying is that we have to work at our relationships. If me starting a blog will give us more common areas to discuss and work on together (or should I say together-separately kind of like sitting in the same room and reading together) then more power to me. Perhaps some other's should be listening to this.

We have been so caught up in so many other things that we have forgotten about us. Of course there is no question about the love. We made that decision over 14 years ago when we knew we were meant to be husband and wife and devoted ourselves to each other and swore before God to let Him lead and follow His will. Doesn't mean it has been easy. There are times Shelley wants to kill me and I her but we get over it. We CHOOSE to get over it and love each other in spite of our short comings. And oh baby some of us have way more short comings than should be allowed.

I guess right now I am experiencing so many emotions of all that is transpiring in our lives currently. Here it is a little after midnight and we have to be up at least by 6 am so we can be out on the carport to price our yard sale items. Don't even get me started about that. Anyway, if you read this, both of you please pray for us that the Lord will send angels with American money to buy our stuff so we can pay bills and then sell more stuff at another yard sale in two weeks. Just pray that His will is accomplished. I am sure it is cause we are getting rid of stuff. And if you have seen our home lately you know we need to badly. I told you don't get me started.

Anyway, just thinking out loud. Or typing out loud or whatever. Maybe this will jog some one's heart too. At least I am blogging. What about you there partner?

Til the cows come home,
David

Hello World are you there?

2007-10-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Well, this ought to be interesting. Perhaps this can be cathartic. What the heck does that mean anyway? Cathartic. Sounds like some medical procedure that I DON"T want to ever have. Not unless I can't pee. Anyway. WHO is going to read this anyhow. Maybe no one, maybe someone. Anyway I am going to post it and see.

My wife Shelley posts on her blog (http://www.wildnoodles.blogspot.com/) on a regular basis and has lots of people reading and responding. I hope to do the same. Perhaps someone with a background in Psychology will check me out and prescribe some therapy that will be beneficial at this stage of my life. Perhaps this will be the therapy?! Anyway, it should be cathartic. By the way I looked it up and it means this: something to do with purging, whether it is emotional or of my bowels will be determined by those who read it.

In other words, you may view this as a big load of crap and at the same time I could become more emotionally healthy by taking the time to type out my feelings and share them with others.

Right now I feel lead to type out my prayer to God and ask Him to lead people to this blog and me to theirs if it is His will. Here goes.

Dear Heavenly Father, You know me, you know my heart. You know what I need and what I want before I ask it. But you have made me a father, a daddy, and I understand what it feels like to have my little girl ask me for something that I can do. And then do it. SO for you, ABBA, I am asking that you lead this blog, this experiment with 21st century technology. I need friends in similar situations. I need friends who can share with me and hear my story and hold me accountable and encourage me and help me and I them.

Please oh Lord, help me to achieve this. You know my desire is to be used by you and bring you glory. Even now as I type this I am scared that someone will read these words and misunderstand my intentions. Please open their eyes to the truth about who I am and what I am. Help me to be real at all times and honest and open. Please Lord help other's to do the same. I pray this is Jesus name. I thank you Lord for hearing my prayer.

OK, so here I am bearing my heart... a Father's Heart... hoping and praying some other father's out there will do the same, but you don't have to be a father.

Because He lives,
David