The bare naked Truth

OK everyone. Here it is. The bare naked truth revealed here for the first time on this blog... I think. Definitely not the first time revealed but something I must re state again for my own sake if for no one else. God knows who will read this so I leave it up to Him to decide the viewers.

The truth is Jesus.

The bottom line is Jesus.

The answer is Jesus.

Whatever you've got going on or going wrong or not going your and my answer is simply Jesus. That's it, plain, pure, and simple...

JESUS.

Oh my heart knows this to be true but it has taken a while to remind it. My mind knows it to be true also but getting into that quagmire of neurons firing explosively at any given millisecond has been a chore. But Jesus can and will do it. I have known it for so long and yet I have gotten so used to knowing it I just kind of took it for granted. How unbelievably arrogant and inconceivably bold to do so. SO I ask myself and you this question.

If you do know HIM and yet still struggle then WHY?

If you don't know HIM and struggle then why not give HIM a chance and see if I am right or wrong?

When I write these words I am drawn to the words of a dear friend of my wife and myself. She struggles with this as much as we have for the past several months if not years. She is a fellow believer in Jesus and yet can't seem to find the button to push to "bring back the Springtime" to her relationship to HIM. SO much has happened in her young life to her and around her that even though her faith in Jesus is strong she still finds herself questioning so many things that distract her from the bottom line... the truth... the answer.

I can relate to this wholeheartedly. The lives of my wife and myself, not to mention our little girls have been in the washer for a while now. And even as I write this I am brought to this analogy by my Savior. A washer can be a violent thing. After all it's purpose is to loosen the dirt and grim attached to your clothes and linens etc so that they can be used again and again. It has cycles that are specifically designed to do specific things. The one we seem to be stuck in as of late is the agitator cycle. Even though we have one of those front end loaders and it doesn't have the agitator thingy I am using this for the purpose of this analogy. The front end loader although it uses less water still tumbles and rumbles and squishes and rolls your clothes clean. Agitation of some sort. Have our lives been SO like that for about the past year and a half.

Lately it seems to be on the spin cycle. Whether it is a water leak in your mother's home that you have been trying to sell for almost a year that causes $10,000 worth of damage JUST after you get a contract on it, or an orange crayon that stains your little girls brand new (well, consignment brand new to us) clothes you just could afford to get for her because she has run out of all the "hand me downs". Or your hubby leaves you for 8 days to act alone as a single parent wondering if he will make it home... there is no mistaking that we rely in HIM. We just perhaps don't want to sit and realize how much.

We are taught again and again these days that we are to be self reliant. Independent. We are forced to distract ourselves every waking moment with something. I mean, I can't even go to the bathroom without having some distracting reading material or something and I am seriously considering putting a flat screen in front of the toilet. (Just kidding Shelley) Anyway, you know what I mean.

Our minds have been "booby trapped" by the "boob tube" and every other kind of external input we can think of. The Internet, the radio, the cell phone that we sleep with just in case some idiot wants to call the wrong number at 3 in the morning while trying to reach Hilary Clinton. Some distraction of some sort that will keep us from


the bottom line...

the truth...

the answer.

We have to stop sometime. We have to get to that place somewhere. The place that we know in our hearts that is screaming out to us, in one of the "out of the way" corners, behind the boxes of crap that we have piles up to block the door. The place in our heart that remembers what it was like to have Jesus enter in to our spirit and

save us,

forgive us,

and give us the peace that we long for.

The peace that passes all understanding.

I just talked to my wife a few minutes ago and she gave me the wonderful news about our friends father who recently asked Jesus to save him... forgive him... and you know the rest. He is 67 years old and lives in Ukraine. Our friend Mariya who has a wonderful faith that is most definitely on track has faithfully prayed and witnessed to her Father about "My God". The Jesus she knows and believes can do anything. The one I used to know so well and moved away from.

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't just pick up one day and move. No sirree bob tale. I just took a rest ... in our washing machine.

And by the way, the washing machine has a rinse cycle that takes all of that dirty crap that was once on your clothes and rinses it away. Hopefully the stains have come out. If not you sometimes have to wash your clothes again or sometimes you put them in for an extra long wash cycle. Perhaps that is what our lives have been in for a while now. The extra long wash cycle.

I believe that we have just been getting ready for something. I don't know yet but I can tell you this. I want more of Jesus in my life. Not religion. Not books about HIM or songs or poems. I want the Jesus that whispered in my nine year old ear " I forgive you, I love you". That Jesus.
The one I felt tingle me from head to toe when I went under the water and "felt" that washing away sensation (let's don't get bogged down in theology please- after all I was nine and it was how I felt and what a nine year old understands).

THE bottom line is JESUS.

THE answer is JESUS.

THE TRUTH is JESUS.

JESUS JESUS JESUS

We have to remember that and live it and watch out for the enemy who is trying his dead level best to steal it from us or at least distract us so that we forget it.

He is there and he misses his time with us. I am brought to this wonderful song that Larnell Harris sang so many years ago. Here are the lyrics. May this speak to your hear like it does to mine. May Jesus fill your heart and lives more and more EVERY day. Jesus. What a name. What a God.

There he was just waiting, in our old familiar place

an empty spot beside him, where once I used to wait

to be filled with strength and wisdom for the battles of the day

I would have passed him by again if I didn't hear him say

I miss my time with you

those moments together

I need to be with you each day

and it hurts me when you say

you're too busy

busy trying to serve me

but how can you serve me

when your spirit's empty

there's a longing in my heart

wanting more than just a part of you

it's true

I miss my time with you

What do I have to offer how can I truly care

my efforts have no meaning when your presence isn't there

but you will provide the power if I take time to pray

I'll stay right here beside you Lord

and you'll never have to say...

I miss my time with you

Christus Abundeest Amor

There are four chambers to the human heart.
Just wanted you to see how mine are filled.
How is it possible that I am these
two beautiful little girls Daddy-man ?!

Yes that is chewing gum in Lili's mouth and

Aly is asking me "where did she get it and

why don't I have some?

OK for anyone who is a Latin scholar, did I correctly say that? Well I meant to say Christ is love. Plain and simple and yet for some reason I wanted to add some frivolity to it. A little panache if you will. I wonder why? Why do we feel the need to "dainty up" our spirituality as if it is not suitable as it is? Why do we put on our best efforts if the preacher is coming to dinner as if he is our pathway to God himself?

Well, anyway I just wanted to say that in Latin. Go figure. I think I really wish I knew another language. Just so I could converse with someone in a secretive way if I wished to or I could understand what the Mexican waiter is saying to his fellow server (and me for that matter). Maybe I just want people to think better of me for knowing more than one language. I wonder why? Why is it that we really give so much weight to what others think about us? I know their are societal demands so we take baths or showers so we won't stink. We brush our hair and wear clean clothes and try to make a good "public" appearance. We were also taught by our mother's to wear clean underwear in case we were in an accident. But who really gives a darn when you're in an accident anyway. And don't you have every reason in the world to have crapped your pants if you were in an accident? So who would have known you had clean underwear on anyway. Oh well.

My little girls are slowly learning that societal thing. They care about what they are wearing to Church. My oldest (Shelley) was doing the dress up dolly thing tonight with Lili before she went to bed. (I just said that for you dear) and I just loved seeing her face light up when I tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her new dress or outfit, or how pretty her hair (bow) is. Lili is still cultivating her hair supply. Aly is growing hers in THICK.

So I know that they care what other's think already. I know the most important thing to teach them is to care about what God thinks. And to make sure that they know that He loves them first, above all else. After all, He IS love. He ought to be, He created it.

Lord listen to your children praying...

Tonight we were a little late getting our girls to bed. We took off to Jacksonville for a little shopping and just a ride away from the "normal" weekly routine. We had to fight the battle of "I want to go home". Our oldest, Aly has gotten used to spending time doing "her thing" at home and doesn't like to sit in her freakin' car seat for so long. AND she is teaching that lovely attitude to her little sis. SO we had to put a stop to that right quick. After all we are a travelling family. Gosh ain't that the truth. Especially these past few years. Actually the whole time we have had Aly we have been planning to travel somewhere it seems. We are even planning on traveling to Heaven in the Rapture so I am sure that our little ones are just gonna have to get used to our mentality.

Apparently they are. We are teaching them the importance of talking with God. Not just learning a prayer by rote but discussing our needs and wants and thanks with God. Trying to get them to understand it all is really a hard job. We just continue to let them see our way of life. Our IMPERFECT way of life but our dependence on God for everything. Including a good nights sleep. Full of good dreams and restful sleep. And angels, how many ever are needed for that particular night assigned to watch over and protect little sleeping children (and parents too).

Well, tonight after Daddy said his good nights and got his butterfly kiss, Eskimo kiss, and lip kiss I prayed for Lili and then she went to tell Poppy good night. As she was coming back through to go to bed, Mom told her to hug her sister Aly and then she asked Aly if she was going to pray for Lili and she said yes. Which has been kind of sporadic as of late but nonetheless she began praying for her little sister and I grabbed the camera and got this precious shot of the two of them praying. Aly of course asking for 4 angels to watch over Lili. What an awesome experience to sit and contemplate.

If God had not planted the seed of desire in our hearts to adopt these two little blessings then they may never have known what prayer was about. And although they are just learning and mimicking sometimes what they see us do, they are slowly growing towards that day when they will trust our Lord Jesus with their souls and their lives so that He may direct their paths. In His divine will. I am praying that my eyes do not close on this earth before I see that happen and if it be His will I will be the one who baptizes them into the family of God. My heart can hardly stand it.

Stuff

Has it been that long since my last post? Well, so what. Life goes on.
I was just sitting here listening to my two year old repeating the same thing over and over and over... Driving me crazy. And then again there is a lesson in it just as there is a lesson in EVERYTHING. I realize she is repeating because she is practicing her speech and she needs to hear it so she can improve it. Either that or her birth mother was a pearl store employee who day in and day out did a presentation for tourists so Lili heard repetition again and again while she was in utero and so she is used to it. Either way, she does it for whatever reason and her little voice is soooooo sweet that even when I am about to lose it and pull my last two hairs out the grace of God overcomes me and I just listen and smile and get all soft inside and fight off shedding tears. Too dang much estrogen in my house again.
You know there is always so much crap going on in the world and we have enough of our own that could just overwhelm us if I let it but then I am reminded of the two beautiful gifts from God that brighten my day EVERY day. They ask for so little and give so much. My Aly loves to climb up in my lap and "play" on the computer. She loves to do it anytime except when she has a fever of 101 and is laying in our bed. Then she just wants to lay beside us and feel us close to her. She loves SOOOOOO much and SOOOOO well that I wish everyone could experience that love for themselves. I hope you all have. If not you should. There sure are plenty of children out there who would love to have a mommy and a daddy to love and be loved by.
Anyway, my Lili loves to climb up in my lap too and resist my kissing her and tickling. It's like a fight from the time she comes up and I try to hug her. She wants the hug but MUST pretend like she doesn't. For whatever reason. But I love making her laugh and tickling her.
Back to the lesson. You know we must sound like Lili to the great I AM. Repetition. Dear Lord please blah blah blah. Heavenly Father please blah blah blah. But you know what? I am sure he looks at us kind of like the way we look at our little ones. With patience and compassion with a little discipline mixed in when necessary. Like when I had to pop Aly's butt for coloring our stereo speaker. AFTER being warned that she would get a spanking if she colored on anything other than paper. She had decorated our TV for the second time. Oh well, I truly understand what "this is gonna hurt me a lot more than you" means. SO I guess God hurts when He has to discipline us.
My Grandad used to say that when you've been spanked by God you know you've been spanked! I know what he means. I sure do miss him.
When I was a little boy I was afraid of the dark and Grandad knew it. He would tease me and scare the hell out of me and laugh and I would climb up in his lap and feel all safe and secure. He would even spend the night or a portion of it with me so I could get to sleep. We would lay in the bed and he would tell me jokes and we would laugh and laugh.
I can't wait till I see him again.

A little fence isn't going to stop me

OK so I finally found a spot where I can come and clear my mind and do some writing. It is a little ways away from our home but it's worth the drive. Maybe about 10 or so miles but it is a place where I can sit and park and hear the surf and see the ocean. There is just something about the ocean that inspires me to write. Anyway, I drive up today and this guy is putting up a fence right in front of my wonderful view. A FENCE!!! It's not like people have been walking all over the area and dogs have been pooping the place up. It looks nice and you can still see the ocean through the slats but it STILL kind of hacks me off that it obstructs my view a little.

Oh well, I can still hear the surf and see the ocean. I will just have to learn to adjust. Who knows, maybe they don't want me parking here and writing. Doesn't matter I am still going to write and someday I will look back on this and laugh.

Speaking of Dogs- Man's best friend, I am feeling kind of guilty for not bringing my Bailey with me today. She ALWAYS wants to go where ever I go. Even if it is just a ride she loves to go. I could be going out to the car to get something and she will be in the car as soon as I open the door. She will jump in and head to the back window immediately, just waiting to go so she can bark at something. She loves to bark at people, or other dogs and especially anything in the back of a pick up truck. It could be bags of trash, it doesn't matter she will bark at it and be mad if it doesn't bark back.

She has been a faithful friend and we love her so but since the girls came her world has been turned upside down and she has had to take 2nd and even 3rd place when she was so used to being first place. Oh well, she still loves us and puts up with us. Even when we are attacked in the middle of the night by our girls.

That's right, Aly had a bad dream and woke us up about 3:15am and climbed into bed with us, THEN about an hour or so (I think, I was in a sleep funk) Lili wakes up crying for the second time wanting to see Daddy. Well , Shelley has to pee really bad so she drops off Lili with me, remember I am in the sleep funk, and Lili immediately wants to lay down beside me but she can't because Aly is there, SO she begins her "WHY DADDEEEE???" and wailing like I have chopped off her left leg. SO I let her slide off of me onto, you guessed it. But of course, Aly can sleep through a hurricane (which is good living here in Florida) and it doesn't effect her at all but I have mortally wounded Lili and she will never recover from her DADDEEEE dropping her off and letting her land on Aly.

In the mean time, Bailey is the smart one and gets up and moves to the recliner because the big dog (that's me) starts barking that "everyone is up now" and so on and so on...

Everything calms back down and we all get to sleep until Aly needs to warm up her feet. Well, the place she chooses to warm her feet is NOT my choice place. She loves to wiggle her feet under my butt and sometimes IN my butt crack giving me a serious wedgie that I DO NOT like especially when I am in a sleep funk and WANT to be asleep. SO I tell her if she is going to play then she needs to go ahead and get up which in turn hurts her feelings because she is still sleepy and wants to sleep but she thinks the big dog is till barking too so she complies. Sometimes it's nice to be the big dog.

And this is my life.

You gotta love it.

I sure do!!

(and you thought this post was about a fence to keep our Bailey in didn't you)

D

What a View

Today I am sitting in front of the beautiful Atlantic ocean enjoying the waves and the breeze. It is a bit chilly I might add although it is definitely worth it. I am amazed at the number of people coming and going to the beach to walk or pick up sea shells or just look at the ocean. I am parked by a ramp that you can drive down onto the beach if you have a four wheel drive vehicle. Alas, I do not and that is probably a good thing because I am someone who could get a four wheeler stuck I am sure. The picture above was taken at this spot a few months ago when we were out and about. I wanted you to see it so you could be jealous. Also it is considerably more choppy and many more waves crashing ashore than in this picture. Remember I said it was breezy.

I choose to come here today to spend some time in introspection. Some renewal time alone, just me and my thoughts and Rush Limbaugh on the radio for a while. Yes I am a fan and I am happy to admit that. I have learned a lot from him and am not ashamed to admit it. Anyway, I was listening to his program today as a distraction from my own problems, of which there are many. And it was a welcome distraction at that. After yelling at my more than understanding wife and putting the "fear of daddy" in my children's eyes, I knew it was time to make some decisions in my life, some concrete, definitive decisions. Maybe I am in the throws of a midlife crisis. Perhaps I am just feeling "blue", my metabolism is kind of slow so that would explain why "blue Monday" would hit me on Tuesday. (for those of you who are unaware, yesterday is designated as "blue Monday" because so many people take their own lives on that day. Due to the holidays having been over and the holiday bills racking up etc. Sad huh?)

Anyway, I am not in the end your life group by a long shot, been there done that and have the scars to prove it. Not any good reason to even contemplate that. No my need is for a time to re group, recoup, rethink, rework, revitalize, whatever else "re" I can think of and perhaps some new terms that would apply. Brooding, contemplation, deep thought, heart searching, introversion, meditation, reflection, rumination, scrutiny, self-absorption, self-examination, self-observation, self-questioning, and soul-searching. (I love dictionary.com)

The funny thing is, the more I think about myself, the more I am drawn to others and their situations. People I have no real idea about just one of those "feelings" you get sometime. I attribute it to the Holy Spirit speaking to my soul, my heart. For example. As I am sitting here writing this a man pulls up about 30 feet from me in his car. Apparently he too is here for the view and a bit of quiet time. I can't help but notice that he has his hand covering his eyes as if he is weeping. I don't notice shoulder shrugging or body jolts. Of course I am not staring at him I am simply noticing him in my peripheral vision as I type. But occasionally I do look at him and notice that his face is red and his eyes are too. My heart reaches out to him and I begin to pray for him. Just that simple. I am praying "Lord please help this man. If he knows you then please draw him closer. If he doesn't then please draw him to you. And if there is something I am supposed to be doing then please give me the knowledge and strength to do it." If you know me and how I think then you know I am already imagining this guy pulling out a gun and blowing his brains out right in front of me (that's the dramatic side of me) and I am trying to figure out if I should get out of my car and waddle over to his car and maybe ask him if I can help in some way when suddenly he reverses his car and drives away.

Hmmmm, well that was a little weird. Then about 5 minutes later another guy pulls in at the same spot and just sits and looks at the ocean for a while and then drives off. Undoubtedly I am at a prime spot from which to view the ocean on this stretch of highway. SO I kind of just attribute all of that to coincidence. But is there really anything that is coincidence to a believer?

There have been too many amazing, even miraculous "things" that have happened in my life to accredit them all to coincidence.

As I sit here writing, I am overwhelmed at the very thought of these incidences flooding my mind, one right after the other, reminding me of the awesome power and detailed interest my Heavenly Father has for me as His child. And I mourn for the time I have waisted not enjoying the comfort of His loving embrace and sheltering wing.

As I look out over this wondrous scene I see so many sights that speak to me and perhaps to even you, whoever you are reading this (once again no coincidences). There is a sail boat off in the distance that has drifted past me. Actually I can't even see it anymore. It began at my far left and now has drifted way down past me on my right. I remember looking at it as it got closer and noticed that it had no sails up. On a windy day like today, no sails?! I was wondering why and I realized that maybe it didn't need sails today. It was just going to make it on the power of the wind moving the boat. I could be wrong of course and they were using their motor, but to me the message I got was from the sailboat enjoying the peace of just being moved by the power of the wind.

I have only been out past the breaking waves in a boat once that I can remember and the quietness of it always struck me. Kind of like when you walk out on a pier, way way out on a pier and you no longer hear the breaking waves, just the wind of the ocean in your ears. Anyway, this sailboat spoke to me of the turbulence my little family has been in this past year (and then some). How we have not had wind in our sails sometimes and even if we had sails and didn't have the strength to put them up we still were kept moving along by the power of the wind.

I am reminded that I have known my Heavenly Father for some time now and if you are arrogant like me you would think that I would have Him figured out by now and know how any given situation will work out. Well of course I don't and He continually amazes me with something new. Something totally off the charts. Way out in left field and yet ideally suited for me and my little clan. What an awesome God, what a loving father, what a magnificent adventure He plans and executes for us His children. (What am I referring to? Come back soon and I will tell you.)

And just think of the people who don't have this relationship with Him. It breaks my heart. Just as I imagine it hurts His. SO much pain and no where to go for healing. SO many who are looking and think that they have an answer, but not THE answer.

Well, I have typed myself into a real need to pee. AND there are no places to go and pee around here so I will have to end my diatribe here and ask that anyone reading this please continue to pray for our family and especially me as leader of our family. I know God is at work. We have asked Him to be. We have seen His hand and continue to rest in His mighty grip. However, we are only human and our patience runs thin sometimes and I lose my mind and yell at my wife and scare the kids. For those of you who have never done this you won't understand, but for those of you who have, well you know.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to drop in. I appreciate all your kind comments and encouragement. Love to you all.

David

We'll keep the light on for ya !

When I was just a young boy, not a little boy, for I never was "little", I remember laying in my bed and looking up at the ceiling wondering. I would wonder about everything. I wondered how clouds were formed. I wondered how ketchup was made. I wondered why there were mosquitoes. I wondered why I had a penis and my sister had a vagina. Of course I am still working on that one. I wondered where God came from.




It made sense to me that if we were created, that we came from somewhere, and I accepted that and there was a God who started it all up and I accepted that, then He must have had someone who created Him and so on and so on etcetera etcetera etcetera. I would usually end my "wondering" with a sigh and a realization that I was still just a young boy and that I would find all that out later on as I got older. I would then turn over away from the light and fall asleep.




I always slept with the light on because I was a "frady cat". I needed to be able to see what was in my room at any given moment of the night, without having to turn a light on. I needed to be able to focus my attention to that weird creaking noise that would happen at any given moment in the middle of the night. I did NOT believe it was just the "house settling". I wanted to see that paranoid drug crazed maniac BEFORE he plunged the nine inch knife into my heart. I wanted to be able to SCREAM before I left this planet. I wanted others to hear my warning shout so that they could save themselves.




Perhaps if you had grown up at "Collinwood" you would have slept with the light on too. For those of you who don't recognize the reference to "Collinwood" it is from a series in the late 60's early 70's called Dark Shadows and the house in that series could have been the house I grew up in. You see I grew up, well until I was 16 years old in a beautiful old home that belonged to my Grandparents. We lived with my Grandparents in their 13 room mansion near the big city of Columbia SC. We lived with them because my father (their son) was an alcoholic and absentee a lot and well we would not have had another place to live if it had not been for my Grandparents looking out for us.




My Mother was the faithful, stable, responsible one who made sure we had all we needed and a lot of what we wanted. She gave up her Independence and suffered through years of "sucking hind tit" living with my Grandparents. Now don't misunderstand me. I love my Grandparents and am so blessed to have grown up around them but I understand now as an adult things I did not begin to understand or even "wonder" about as a child. She never begrudged sacrificing her happiness for us so that we could be "brought up" in a secure environment full of love. She was an awesome woman to have done that. And she never told me, not once in my lifetime that I was silly to be afraid of the dark. She seemed to understand my need to have a light on. She never spoke the words, "there is nothing there in the dark that is not there in the light" although there were plenty of others who did.




Quite frankly I don't understand what the hell that means anyway. It certainly never comforted me. The whole point was to be able to see. Also, I never was one of those who believed that if you covered your head with your bedspread that you would "magically" not be seen by whatever monster or psycho was getting ready to chop or eat your head off. I think because of the nature of my "bedroom" I was forced from an early age to adapt and "evolve" into a higher learned young man who could stand in the face, or perhaps in my case, lay in the face of sheer terror and stare it down until the fog of sleepiness exercised it's power and I fell asleep. And I am here today as a testimony to the will to survive.




I have to attempt to describe my bedroom so that you will get the whole picture. My "bedroom" was in fact designed to be a library in this home. It had many built in shelves and a built in desk in the corner. It had so many shelves with pictures and books and busts of people and pictures of family members etc that even though it was my bedroom it never really felt like a bedroom. The room itself was adjacent to the downstairs living room or "den" as many refer to it. We always called it a living room because it's where we did most of our living. Anyway, the room was about 16 feet by 14 feet give or take a few feet. It was a huge room. It had bi fold doors at four entrances. Those kind of doors that are in front of a lot of closets. Two of the doorways were blocked so that we could make use of the space. But they still had a creepy feel to me. All of the entrances had those little windows over them which looked really neat but made me sooooo paranoid that those monsters were looking in my room even when the doors were shut.




The ceilings, if you will remember at which I stared at to wonder, were made of pine. Dark wood with protruding beams and lots and lots of knots in the wood. Perfect for imagining faces in them. At one end of the room was a full floor to ceiling mirror that was about 7 feet across. BUILT IN!! And at the other was a set of beautiful giant windows that took up the entire wall and were covered at night by giant curtains that you had to pull shut at the FAR end. In other words, when you entered this creepy but beautiful room at night when no light was on, you had to go to the other doorway, which was blocked off remember, just to turn on the light. THEN you had to go to the super creepy window and close the curtains, making sure to hurry so that the homeless murderer could not see the apparent fear on your face. I mean it was just a little scary. Did I mention that there was a chandelier in the room and that the ceilings were 10 feet? Oh yeah. Now do you understand keeping the light on? I am having the hairs stand up on the back of my neck just remembering it.




Oh well, I don't know what got me started on this subject. Just needed to vent a little. I think I was wanting to talk about wondering. I think it's because my little heartbeat asks me questions that are so full of her wonder. I know that she wonders an awful lot. Currently she is wondering why Daddy yells so much and sleeps so long and cries sometimes.




I don't have to wonder. I know it's because I have left my first love and I miss Him terribly. I have been angry at Him for so long for a number of reasons. It's because of Him that I can wonder. And wander. Which He has let me do for some time now. I am angry that He directs me to the place I need to be and to learn what I need to learn. I think I am just like my little girl when she gets angry at me. She will lay in my arms and cry and grimace and I will talk sweet to her and love on her and she gets even angrier. But then after a while I can always make her laugh even if she doesn't want to. Just like me when I recall all that God has brought me through and I can laugh at this little bump in the road.




AND I know that I don't need the light on anymore but I sill like one in the other room so that it sheds a little light into our room. Of course for going to the bathroom and such. Because quite frankly I would rather not be awakened if a crazed maniac makes it into our room to send us to Jesus. I just hope it is quick and while I am DEEP asleep. Just rest assured there is a light on in this house somewhere at all times.




I hope that someone who gives my eulogy will be able to say that about me. And NOT that there was nobody home either.




CHOW!